How'd I End Up Here?

Hike #14

2011-08-26T11:31:00.000-07:00

It's a lovely day (despite the hurricane headed our way in the next couple of days). It's also my birthday. No better way to spend it than going on a hike. We wanted to do something different and since we had no other plans we ventured out to a place we've never explored before. Whittacker swamp State Forest http://www.dec.ny.gov/lands/8093.html It's not far from home, but in a part of the county I've not explored much before.

14. Whittacker Swamp state forest 8/26 There's only one trail. It's an old road. It's about 2 1/4 miles long. Once we got to the second parking area we simply turned around and headed back. So it was a total of 4.5 miles. Most is easy. There is a stream to cross and for a bit it gets pretty steep. But it's a lovely secluded quiet bit of land. Gabe said it was "murkwood" like. Dark and damp. Muddy in places. The trails are not marked at all but since it's an old road it's easy enough to follow.

Hike #13

2011-08-22T13:29:00.000-07:00

We went for a long hike today. It was such a beautiful day. We were stuck inside canning beets all morning but got out for the afternoon. Since we wanted to spend as much time outside as possible we stayed close to home. Salt Springs again.

13 .Salt Springs 8/22 Hardwood to Friends to summit (around the "frog pond" or frog puddle as we decided it was better named!) to cliff (beautiful trail but many downed trees) to Bunny to Fall Brook to conector to Silver Creek. Basically the perimeter of the whole park! What a lovely hike. We took about 3.25 hours to do it but it was fun.

Hike #12

2011-08-20T12:01:00.000-07:00

Beautiful, beautiful day! We went to salt springs again but luckily noticed that the maps in the kiosk looked a bit different than the map we've had in our hiking folder for several years. There's even more land in the park now and a nice new long trail.

#12 salt Springs 8/20 Hemlock to Fall Brook to Bunny (left up bunny right after fall brook crosses Buckley Rd). We took bunny to Cliff trail to summit to Friends (new-white marked) and followed that in a long loop to the junction of Hardwood and upland (we saw the white markers last time we were out and wondered because there was nothing on our map to indicate a white trail in that part of the park!). It was a longer hike than many we've taken lately but very nice. Gabe liked the new Friends trail a lot. It was pretty and relaxed.

Hike #11

2011-08-18T05:15:00.001-07:00

#11. Greenwood park 8/17 It was a beautiful day and we were busy :( But on the way to a meeting in Ithaca we stopped at Greenwood and got in a short hike. Greenwood's a county park with a beach and camping. It's much like Cole park but has more extensive trails. We took a few new to us ones. Not a fabulous hike. But it was something.

Hike #10

2011-08-16T13:12:00.000-07:00

It's been raining a lot. But today it cleared up and turned sunny in the afternoon. Gabe and I jumped at the chance to get in a short hike.

10. Hawkins Pond 8/16 We stuck to the county park this time. We took the shoreline way trail along the pond. Then cut over to bamboo tangle. We crossed Bevan Road and took hawk ridge up to the overlook on Saxby Road. Then back down hawk ridge and out on Bevan road again. From there we walked along the road to the pond and back to the parking. It was a short hike but we were glad to get one in today.

It was very wet. Hawkins pond is often wet and muddy but it was esp. wet today after all the rain.

Hike #9

2011-08-13T11:23:00.000-07:00

It's cloudy today with a chance of thunderstorms later this afternoon. We decided to do a short hike anyway. Salt Springs yet again!

Hike #9- Salt Springs park: 8/13 We decided to do the short loops so we'd be close by the parking lot if the weather turned bad. We took Hemlock to Upland then Hardwood to Woodland and then back out. Basically going back up and down and up and down the hill. It was short but got the blood pumping on the climb up. Hardwood and Upland are both rated moderate because they climb steadily up. There's a huge (almost 300 year old) Hemlock down across the path at one point. It's been cut to allow hikers through but looking at the huge trunk is cool.

Hike #8

2011-08-12T13:14:00.000-07:00

The Glen : 8/12 It is a lovely day, but our hiking time was short. My car was in the shop all morning and we are hosting our Quaker monthly meeting/potluck here tonight. We decided to take a quick hike at the IBM Glen. This is a weird park. It was IBM property and was donated to a local nature center. Some of the trails are actually old roads on part of the IBM campus. They were paved but are now broken and reverting to a natural area. The result is a sort of post-apocalyptic feel. Cracked, heaved roads. IBM signs rusted and half covered with growth. Guardrails covered with moss and speed limit signs near roads that you can barely tell were once paved.

It's also got some regular trails including a bit that goes down into a very nice glen with a creek and and old growth forest of mainly hemlock, maple and oak. Pretty, quiet and fun to walk. Much of the 200 acre park has been a favorite nature area for decades.

From the parking area we took the red trail to the blue trail back up and around to the yellow "switchback" trail down into the glen. We continued to follow the yellow trail all the way back to the parking area. Which means we walked just about all the trails in the park. About 3 miles.

We are looking forward to the day when we are free, have a working car and the weather is nice. We'd like to venture a bit farther from home and go on some longer hikes. There are no mountains close to home or even gorges like in the finger lakes. We've got some pretty forest trails but they are all pretty short.

Hike #7

2011-08-11T10:32:00.000-07:00

It's been raining every day for days. Today was finally nice again. Actually more than nice -beautiful, sunny, cool, perfect. However, car trouble meant we couldn't venture far from home. Cole Park, Salt Springs or Hawkins Pond are the closest. We picked Salt Springs.

7. Salt Springs 8/11 We just did the same hike as last time but in reverse. Lovely hike. The highlights: After the rather steep climb on Silver Creek trail at the beginning of the hike, Gabe dropped dramatically to the ground puffing "like a minotaur" (his words). He moaned dramatically and pretended he was dying. What he didn't see was that just as he dropped to the ground a guy came from the other direction toward us. He watched the whole act with amusement and as he stepped around Gabe's prone body blocking the trail commented "fun climb, huh?" :) Gabe doesn't mind being silly in front of me, but may have thought twice if he knew a stranger was watching!

The creeks were running much faster and deeper after a week of rain. The second highlight was Gabe almost falling into one as he slipped on the downed tree he was using to cross one. He caught himself and was fine but looked pretty funny flailing for a second or two.

The last memorable bit was crossing fall brook. As I noted last time there's no good way to do it. No bridge, no stepping stones, no downed tree across the water. You just need to find a shallow bit , at the narrowest point and wade and jump. This time was worse since the creek was deeper and faster. The water was over the top of my hiking boots and it was a good 4-5 steps in the water to cross the narrowest point instead of just the 1-2 last time. Gabe hopped across. I spent too much time looking for a better way before giving in and crossing at the same place Gabe did. My boots are older and not as waterproof as his!

locavore challenge

2011-08-11T04:26:00.000-07:00

Nofa-NY is hosting a locavore challenge. The registration and description are a bit confusing, but the concepts fun. Our family has decided to go local (again) for one week in Sept. We will use the Marco Polo exception (salt and spices) and wild cards (coffee!!). But other than that we will eat completely local (250 miles) for a week. Our wild cards will be: coffee (but as always we will only buy fair trade, organic), olive oil, rice, sugar (this because I'd like us to be able to use our jam which is made with sugar-otherwise honey and maple syrup are fine sweeteners to substitute).

Several years ago we did a similar thing (but with our own rules). After our family challenge was over we allowed some non-local foods back into our diet but kept an awareness of local eating. We know where our food comes from far more now than we ever did and learned some good local sources and tricks for substituting local ingredients for things you can't get around here. It will be fun to re-visit the challenge!

http://www.nofany.org/events/ny-locavore-challenge/about-challenge

Hike #6

2011-08-08T10:17:00.001-07:00

Lame hike day. It's been pouring rain for two days. It's cloudy and drizzly today with possible thunderstorms in the forecast. But since we haven't been out since Friday we decided to just take another trip to Cole park. So:
6. Cole park. 8/8- nothing much to say. Only one trail to take. It's the same as always! But we got in at least a minimum hike and didn't get rained on.

Margaret's wedding

2011-08-05T11:03:00.000-07:00

My daughter got married July 9th. It was beautiful. Just perfect. She got married at Powell House the NYYM retreat center. It's lovely and it was a beautiful sunny weekend. Many out of town guests stayed the entire weekend. So it was like a retreat with friends and family.

They got married in a tradition Quaker meeting for worship. They were married under the care of our MM. Christopher is also a Friend but he holds his membership still in the meeting he was born into but hasn't attended since he was a small child. His folks never transferred his membership to Ann Arbor meeting and he hasn't lived in one place long enough since college to really become a member in any other meeting.

The wedding certificate was just beautiful. The women who did it was fantastic to work with and did such a lovely job. Margaret's friend from Earlham, Amanda, took the photos and did a great job.

Margaret wore a dress that my friends Samantha, Candy and I sewed. Margaret bought beautiful organic hemp silk and picked a very simple but lovely design. Samantha and Candy did the bulk of the sewing. I just helped as much as I could :) and cheered them on! We met weekly through out the spring to sew.

Samantha arranged the flowers. They were organic flowers that Margaret ordered bulk. We bought lots of vases second hand at thrift shops. We made table runners from quilt fabric. The fabric will be recycled into a quilt later.

We found a great, local (to Powell house) organic farm and bought lots and lots of yummy veggies from them. They were great to work with and we picked up all the veggies Friday morning. We ordered all the bread and rolls from a wonderful local bakery. I had a great kitchen crew of family and close friends. Candy and I mangled a cake badly :) But managed to make something that held together and looked OK (folks said it tasted good!). Since we had guests all weekend there were a number of meals to cook, but the biggest by far was Saturday's reception meal for 120. All weekend folks pitched in and helped with set-up, clean up, cooking and dishes. Lots and lots and lots of dishes!

Margaret was very busy before the wedding with CPE (chaplaincy training) in a hospital in Princeton. But she and Christopher came for a weekend in June. We did whirlwind wedding prep. We made 100 or so little jars of strawberry jam for favors. We picked out fabric for runners. We made escort cards, table numbers, napkin rings and seating charts, bought vases, made signs, tested wedding cake recipes and more!

The band (made up mostly of Friends) was fantastic. They played very lively bluegrass and celtic music that had lots of folks dancing.

Kids ran around. Folks swam in the pond. College friends stayed up late talking and playing games in the ACC. It was fun and relaxed. Simple and joyful. So much Love.

It was a great day. The worship was sweet and deep. The guests seemed to have a great time. I loved it and Margaret and Christopher seemed very happy. I think it was just the wedding Margaret had wanted.

And I got a new son! Yippee!

Hiking

2011-08-05T10:31:00.000-07:00

Gabe and I really meant to do lots of hiking this year. But he needed to finish the semester then there was the summer session that took all of June (although he did take a backpacking class and got to go on a three day trip to the Catskills-see the photo above. What a cutie!). Then came July with Margaret's wedding and NYYM summer sessions.

So last weekend at the very end of July we went on what was essentially our first hike of the season. We had a blast and decided we needed to go more often. We really needed a goal. I suggested 20 hikes by the time the snow flies. Gabe upped it to 25.

We decided to qualify as a hike it needed to be unpaved trails and at least partially wooded . Cole Park, a county park near our house has a one mile loop around the pond. We always called this a walk, like the walks we go on on the paved rail trail or paved paths near the river. It isn't really a hike. But since it fit our criteria (not paved and wooded) and it's super close to home we decided it would do in a pinch if we really couldn't get out anywhere else. In order to count any hike we both need to go. It should also be at least an hour and 20 min in the woods.

In order to get in 25 before Nov (snow time probably) we really need to fit in lots now. Once the semester starts it will be much harder.

So far:

1. Salt Springs 7/31 Hemlock to bunny trail. Bunny trail sounds like something a toddler could skip merrily along. But actually it's got its steep moments :) Not a hard hike, but we are out of shape and it got us sweating.

2. Hawkins Pond 8/2- we did a loop in the State Forest and then felt energetic enough to do another loop in the county park as well. Some downed trees made it harder than usual. Not very well maintained this year. And the restrooms in the stone pavilion are closed due to vandalism. :( We found the spruce grove that is so magical. A huge tree is down in the middle and it took some work to get over it. Like the other times we've found the grove (on the state forest side of the park) we got there pretty much by accident. The trails are super confusing to follow in lots of areas.

3. Cole Park 8/3 Rainy day we beat the rain by about 2 min. If we had driven any place farther we wouldn't have gotten any hike! 2x around the pond and ran for the car before the rain started!

4. Wolfe Park 8/4 New to us park close to the community college Gabe attends. It had rained hard all night and part of the morning. It was a WET hike. But the park had some good points. We hiked just about every trail in the park (only skipped the "bluebird" trail). It's pretty small. More red spotted newts (red efts) per square foot then I've ever seen any where else! Tons of them. We had to really work at not squishing any. The black diamond trail had a couple tricky to follow bits. I'm glad we had read the trail guide online at the Triple City Hiking Club before trying it. The trail came out on a hill far above Front Street. It was kind of cool looking down on it. The trail markings up here were totally inadequate though. For the future, remember to go through the meadow and to the left to meet up with the other trails heading back! A trail sign, arrow or any clue would have been helpful here! Some trail maintenance is needed. Board walk ways over boggy spots are rotted and falling to bits. Trees are down over trails in several places. Some trails are very overgrown and very boggy. It looks like someone (probably a bunch of folks) spent time a few years back making trails, putting in the swing and benches and so forth. But it hasn't had much attention since. It's a shame because it's a nice little park with a "hiking in the woods" feel but very close to the city.

5. Salt Springs 8/5 Yes again :) It's really our favorite park and close to home. Today we hiked early because the weather forecast is calling for thunderstorms later. We spent about 2 hours in the woods. We started on Hemlock trail then took Fall Brook trail. We crossed over Fall Brook (no good way to do this without wading, so be warned boots are a good idea) and followed the white marked trail and then took Silver Creek (red) trail back to parking area. Nice hike! Beautiful well marked and maintained trails. We know the trails on the other side of the park very well but this was my first time on some of the white trails. I had hiked the Silver creek to meadow before but don't really care for meadow trail (too open and hot). We want to do this one again but from the opposite direction. There are a few steep places on Silver Creek trail that would be more fun to go up than down.

Protesters (anti-fracking) were meeting up at the park to pick up signs and carpool to a protest at a gas drilling site close by as we were leaving. It's chilling to think of anything so environmentally damaging so close to such a beloved and beautiful spot.

oh no! He's a teen.

2010-02-20T04:12:00.000-08:00

My 13 1/2 year old son was heading off to a weekend Quaker youth retreat yesterday. The theme was "winter wonderland" and I knew there would be lots of outside activities and games. As he was getting ready I told him to make sure he packed mittens and a hat. He sighed loudly. I had asked him to locate what used to be his favorite knitted hat. I hadn't seen it all winter. He hasn't worn any hat all winter. I figured it was lost under the bed or in the back of his closet.

Finally when pressed he got out a pair of polar fleece gloves and an ugly dollar store hat. "But what about the lovely blue mittens I knitted for you last winter or your favorite red stripey hat?", I asked. "Mom" more sighs and eye rolls. He's my fourth and youngest. I knew what that meant. The mittens and hat weren't cool enough. He's turned that corner into a young teen.

"But you are the child of a knitter," I exclaimed. "If you wear that stuff it will look like I don't love you!" :-)

"I'm wearing the socks you made for me," he pointed out. So I let him go with the cheap, ugly, factory made gloves and hat.

But I'm determined to find patterns for gloves and hat that he will wear. I've been searching Ravelry. I've found a few simple hats that I can knit in black or dark blue (no stripes-sigh) and I thought maybe gloves or those fingerless gloves that have the extra flap to convert them into mittens. Maybe those will be acceptable.

I guess I really don't have any little kids left!

Worship

2010-01-17T03:13:00.000-08:00

"So mom, can we stay for worship tomorrow after the meal? " My heart sank. "I don't know. We will have to see. Don't forget we need to go to Quaker Meeting too." I replied.

I was driving home with my 13 yo and 17 yo sons from a free meal at a Methodist church. We had spent Saturday afternoon and evening setting up, cooking, serving and cleaning up. We had given a ride to a friend and had just dropped him off at his apartment. My sons were happy and bubbly (not at all usual for my 'I'm too cool to smile' seventeen year old son). As we were leaving I heard him tell the other folks in the kitchen "See you tomorrow morning." We'd be getting up very early and driving across the county to prepare and serve a free breakfast as we did most Sundays. And it was his idea. I couldn't always make it, but my sons found a way to be there at 7:30 am each Sunday.

And sometimes after the meal we went up and stayed for worship. Our Quaker Meeting meets Sunday afternoon, so I can go to church in the morning and still make it to Meeting. The pastor is a friend of mine and I know many folks in the congregation. I've participated in many things with them over the years. I'm at that church often. So why was I so uncomfortable with my son's request?

I think it's because I know he's really getting serious about his faith these days. He's doing more reading, more discussing, and more thinking about his relationship with God and what it means to be a Christian today. I know that other than his family and one weekend at an adult Quaker retreat he hasn't found anyone in the Quaker community to talk to about this stuff. I also know that he was feeling strongly led to "do something" to put his faith in action. And there doesn't seem to be anything in his Quaker community for him to participate in. There's lots of good stuff going on at this Methodist church and they always welcome the help. His help.

I was washing dishes last night when I over heard the pastor talking to my son. She was inviting him to participate in a book discussion group. I'm part of the group and he's sat in once or twice before. We are just about to start a new book and she was telling him about it because she thought he might be interested. He came over afterward and asked me about it. "Sounds cool", he said "I think I'll do it." He knows there are no other kids. I'm 45 and I'm usually the youngest in the group!

So he wants to go to Sunday worship. He asked to go to worship. And I've been only sometimes successful lately in getting him to Quaker meeting. Never without a fuss. The worship at the Methodist church is good but not particularly innovative or contemporary. It's pretty ordinary, traditional, mainline protestant worship. There are no teens in the congregation. There's no youth group. Methodists aren't 'cool'. So why?

They invite him in. Give him an opportunity to help out in real work that they care about and that makes a difference. They provide him with an opportunity to discuss and wrestle with questions of faith, to ask questions and hear other's questions, and to worship together.

And I'm uncomfortable because he's not getting that from our own faith community. He knows it and I know it.

local foods in the dead of winter

2010-01-16T10:27:00.000-08:00

I guess if I was to buy and cook the very healthiest food for my family it would include a wide variety of fresh fruits and veggies year round. And I could do that. We've got grocery stores filled with all sorts of things at any time of the year. But I've come to believe that eating locally and seasonally is a better option for a bunch of reasons. It may not be the "best" diet (no leafy green salads to be had here in the winter!) but I think we can survive.

Here in upstate NY in January we still have lots in the freezer and pantry. It's not fresh, but we make do. I've got: peas, green beans, leeks, spinach, corn, kale, swiss chard, summer squash, pesto, broccoli (but not much left), cauliflower, peaches, rhubarb, raspberries, strawberries and blackberries left in the freezer. We've got pickled beets, dilly beans, cucumber pickles, jams and chutney in the pantry. We still have winter squash, potatoes, onions, garlic, carrots and apples in storage (root cellar and an unheated bedroom). And we can still buy local turnips, celery root, rutabaga, parsnips and cabbage at the co-op. I've got sprouts growing on the kitchen counter and some fresh herbs in pots on the window sill.

We can grow greens in the cold frame until December and local farms do an even better job with a wide variety still available at the co-op. We are not very good at getting early greens going in the spring, but can find a few green crunchy things to buy by the end of April. We make do.

seminary

2010-01-04T04:01:00.000-08:00

So this weekend my daughter made her decision about seminary. She will be attending Princeton Theological next year.

She's been working on discerning the right school for quite awhile. She put in applications to her two top choices earlier this fall and got into both. At that point she didn't bother filling out the applications for the other schools she was considering. She's been working on discerning which of these two schools she should attend. We've talked and talked, and she's worked with other folks as well. By this weekend she felt clear.

It's all been a odd path. And its just beginning. As an unprogrammed Friend I'm still not positive how I feel about a daughter with a call to pastoral ministry!

But I've had countless hours of conversation with her and there is no doubt in my mind that her call is strong and true. And who am I to question what sort of ministry God calls another to?

So a young adult, liberal Friend who was raised in the unprogrammed tradition will be attending Princeton for her MDiv with the goal of being a pastor. Life is strange sometimes.

I have been saddened that our monthly meeting hasn't found a way to be part of her discernment in her call, her decision to attend seminary or anything. She's asked but it hasn't happened. I'm still holding out hope that a support committee can be formed (perhaps made up of Friends from her home meeting as well as the yearly meeting). I think she will need one.

New Year

2010-01-01T05:08:00.000-08:00

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it John 1:5

Good morning. Happy New Year

new blogs

2009-12-19T04:18:00.000-08:00

Both of my older kids started blogs this week. My oldest began a blog for the program she's working with Young Friends in Residence. My second daughter started a blog about her experiences as a Young Adult Friend attending seminary.

http://godwouldkneeldown.blogspot.com

http://youngfriendsinresidence.blogspot.com

Christmas

2009-12-19T04:06:00.000-08:00

It smells like Christmas in our house this morning. Pine tree and popcorn. My 13yo son strung lots of popcorn for the tree. We put the tree up last night. Our neighbor down the road grows Christmas trees. It's a project he started for his retirement. They aren't the most perfect trees. But they are nice and they grew right here on our hill. Every year my husband and sons walk down the road and pick out a tree. They went yesterday. My sons told me they picked out the tree and my husband gabbed with the neighbor. Probably.

It was weird and a bit sad to put up the tree. It's the first year the girls weren't here to help. It's not fair to the younger kids to be all out of sorts and grumpy. So I tried. But I really wanted to cry as my girl's special ornaments got hung on the tree.

They will both be home for Christmas. My oldest had some meetings and stuff she couldn't skip this weekend. I'll be driving up to get her in a couple of days. My other daughter went to visit her boyfriend and his family after finals this year. She will be flying home a day before Christmas. We will all get to be together for the holiday.

response

2009-12-02T04:10:00.000-08:00

This is a response I wrote to a comment on my young friends post. It was so long it turned into a post of its own!

As I said I'm still confused. I have lots of thoughts swirling around, and not much clarity. I see serious young Friends frustrated and others with little connection or interest in being part of our faith. There's a problem here and I'd love to find a way for us to address it as a community and with love.

I understand Irene's concerns because I too have seen wonderful things nurtured at youth gatherings. I don't think they should in any way be eliminated. I think they build community and ties and teach great values. My kids have all attended. I support them in any way I can. I'm actually involved in a project right now to help bring more opportunities for youth programs to more kids in our yearly meeting!

But in my experience there's a gap somewhere. Maybe it's in our religious ed. programs, maybe it's in our parenting, maybe our language, maybe it's a lack of elders willing to share their paths honestly. I don't know.

I have one kiddo that loves the games. Just about all of them. I have two more that can't resist an ultimate frisbee game. I have nothing against those sorts of activities. Not at all.

But I see lots of Young Friends who attend youth gatherings and that's it. They aren't regular attenders at meeting. They don't go to First Day School. Their connection with our community is social.

In my monthly meeting we've had young friends who wouldn't miss a youth gathering, but have not attended a meeting for worship or been involved with Quakers (other than reunions of friends from gatherings) since graduating.

I've had conversations with many Young Friends and Young Adult Friends who love the community built, think the testimonies are great, but have little understanding or interest in the spiritual side of our faith.

I've heard from other Young Friends who are seeking but don't know where to turn. Conversations about God are not common place. Try being a Young Friend who is trying to make time each morning for prayer or quiet time to read the Bible at a youth gathering! Open a conversation about what being a follower of Jesus might mean or look like in today's world. It will probably be hard!

I've talked to young friends who are seeking but look elsewhere. They explore other paths. And I think that's fine. Our path is not for everyone, maybe not even for our (my) own children. But from the conversations it seems they've dismissed ours and moved on before really understanding all we have to offer.

I think there's something there. Something wonderful we teach our kids. We give them glimpses of the possibilities of our way, but maybe not the power behind it. Perhaps we don't give them our common spiritual language that we use to talk about our experiences so they have trouble recognizing the similarities of their experiences and ours. I don't know, I'm fumbling to describe the gap I see.

The warm, accepting places we've created for our youth may be why many are drawn to our Quaker schools. My own two oldest went to Earlham and I've had the joy of meeting young adult friends from a number of yearly meetings there. But often I think they are missing the understanding of the source of the love they feel. Some yearn for it and try to recreate the culture of youth programs but without the depth or grounding. So perhaps that's one of the ways I went wrong in my original post's language. There's something there, and it could be defined as religious. But many of our youth are not recognizing it as such and it doesn't seem to build deeper understanding of our faith community.

I've talked to some young friends who are excited about Guilford because of the Quaker Leadership program. My two oldest applied there for that very reason. They've heard about it and are drawn to it because they want a deeper understanding of Quakerism then they've been able to find here. I think it wonderful that it exists. From what I've heard it is a great program. But Guilford's not for everyone (it doesn't offer academically what my high school senior son needs for example--it's also expensive!). There should be another way our young folks can explore deeply our faith. And why is it so many, from what I've heard, enter the program with so little background in their own tradition? Maybe we need to start earlier and be more explicit and intentional in what we do.

One of the conversations that I've had in the last couple weeks was with a young adult friend who told me quite earnestly that the YAF community built at summer sessions was wonderful and important. And I believe him. He said that most of the folks he hangs out with don't have any interest in attending the worship, business meeting or committee meetings. They don't consider themselves Quaker or religious. Many are like him agnostic or atheist, but for a week they get to be part of this loving welcoming community and surrounded by all these good people. It feeds them and carries them through the year.

I see that. I think that's an amazing witness to the world and a service we've provided. But those young folks (most in their twenties and early thirties) are not active members of our community. Don't seem to understand (or at least want to be part of) the religion that created/brought together all those wonderful folks.

I've been at any number of gatherings, deep, meaningful wonderful opportunities where there were no Young Adult Friends or Young Friends at all. Or only my kids.

Often we are not providing bridges and transmitting clearly our faith and the deep connection with the Divine possible. There seems to be two very distinct communities in my yearly meeting. A youth culture and an adult culture. One doesn't seem to be leading to the other.

I want to be whole.

I see movement and hope. But it's hard to watch the pain and frustration of young folks that I love. Not all of them in my own family.

As soon as I wrote my post I worried that it might hurt someone. I esp. worried it might be seen as a criticism of Friends and a program I love. They weren't well seasoned words and I'm sorry for that. But the concern and pain behind them is very real and long standing.

parenting

2009-11-30T03:20:00.000-08:00

I was asked to write an article for Spark on parenting as ministry awhile back. It appears here: http://www.nyym.org/spark/2008.5.shtml#mp I've felt the need to revisit it recently in light of the discussions I've had with all my kids over the last few months. When I wrote it I asked all my kids to read over it and tell me if it accurately reflected their experiences. All four Ok'd it. It still rings true for me.

But I've seen even more frustrations on all sides in the last year and a half since I've written this. I've watched my two younger children grow into their faith and seek to be more a part of the faith community they were raised in. I've seen both my older daughters experience very different calls to ministry. I've watched how hard it has been for all of them to find their place in the "adult" world of Friends and how very hard it has been for them to find peers that understand their spiritual journeys. I've been there through frustrations and tears. I've experienced guilt for my choice to raise them in this faith community that seems to truly value them so little at times. We cherish our youth, but we don't expect much from them. We don't really know what to do with serious, spiritual Young Friends.

The journey with my children has been incredibly rich and meaningful for me. I've learned and grown so much. I know Spirit speaks through all of us no matter the age because I've lived it. I also know that Young Friends need elders to walk with them. They've often got deep faith and wonderful gifts but much to learn.

Here's my article:

I feel there is a basic human need, a hunger, for a relationship with the Divine. This need is as real and pressing as any other. As a parent it is part of my responsibility to see that this aspect of human existence is recognized and explored. In my own life, Quakerism has helped fulfill that need and has brought me closer to knowing God in the way that I need. This religion, this path to serving God, this community and this way of living is so precious to me how could I not share it with my children? I could no more keep this joy from them than I could keep food, shelter or education from them.

Although I, like many of my generation, was raised with a reluctance to talk openly about my religious experience, I made the decision early in my parenting life that I needed to overcome this. The fear that I continued to carry about forcing my own spirituality on my children or turning them off by being “too religious” gave way as I saw how they responded to honesty about my beliefs and experiences. We talked and read and shared, at all stages of their lives. I used the language traditional to Quakers and Christians and soon it became more comfortable for me and natural for them. We talk about religion a lot in our house, over dinner, in the car, on long walks, while grocery shopping. It’s amazing how much of our lives have a spiritual aspect and how open and eager young people are to explore that greater meaning once they are given the space and the language.

I’ve emphasized that the community has a responsibility to them as Friends but that they too have a responsibility to the community. At times this was for me a huge act of trust. It meant that I needed to entrust my beloved child to the wider Quaker community and hope and pray that both sides would live up to the expectations.

I knew and accepted that each one of us needs to be convinced at some point and that any one of my children might someday choose a different path. But I wanted them to know the richness and possibilities of the Quaker way before deciding if it was for them or not. Several of my kids did explore other religions, and I tried to be supportive but I still asked them to keep the dialog open and to take their own seeking seriously. So far all four have remained active Friends.

young friends

2009-11-29T06:10:00.001-08:00

So I have all sorts of thoughts swirling around these days about Quakers and how we raise our young friends, religious ed., inclusion, and being a whole and vital community. Too many thoughts. One of these days I'll need to devote some time to getting them all down and organized. Maybe it will help me.

But for now some confused snippets and observations.

A few weeks ago I was sitting very early in the morning talking to a Friend. We were both at a work weekend and as very early risers found ourselves with a few quiet minutes to catch up. Her children are the same age as my youngest two. We live across the state from one another but at yearly meeting gatherings our kids enjoy spending time together.

I confessed that I often carry guilt about choosing to raise my kids in a faith community in which they feel "like freaks" for being religious. I talked about the feeling all four of my kids have shared about never quite fitting in and not being able to talk about or share their spiritual lives with others in the young Quaker circles they belong to, and of continually confusing the older Friends who always assume that they'd rather be out with the other Young Friends playing Wink or ultimate Frisbee. She shared similar stories. We agreed that it was good that our kiddos had each other.

We talked about Friends being so afraid of "forcing their religion on their kids". We both laughed. In our experience that's just not how it works. "You just can't do it, she said, "it doesn't work!" We talked about sharing our own faith, our questions, our thoughts with our kids. About expectations, about respect and about nurturing the spiritual side of our children. And then about the bumpy ride parenting like that has been. The questioning, the struggles, the seeking and the growth. On all sides. No cookie cutter, brain washed kiddos in our houses!

A couple weekends later our kids were at yearly meeting sessions with us. Again they didn't fit in. They were made to feel strange. The expectation was that young Friends wouldn't want to attend much of the "adult" stuff. And so the program was segregated. Our kids left frustrated and unhappy. We talk a lot about "including youth." We are asked to consider young Friends for our committee work and in other capacities. But if we really expected that that would happen would we have teen programing at the very same time as worship, business meeting and committee meetings?

The youth culture of our liberal Friends really has little to do with much of anything else. It's segregated and it's not even slightly religious. It can be wonderful and close and nurturing. It can teach good values and be accepting. It can provide a refuge for kids having trouble elsewhere. Those are all good things. But it does not prepare our kids to be part of the Religious Society of Friends. It doesn't prepare them to be people of faith. Not really. What it does is produce really nice young folks who have little interest in being Quaker (or any other faith).

I do think there's a place for the community built at Quaker youth gatherings. My kids have been nurtured by youth conferences. I've seen these communities benefit both young Friends and those outside the Quaker community. I have a great deal of respect for our youth leaders here in NYYM and think that they do what they do very well and with great love. I don't think that youth conferences are necessarily where religious ed. needs to take place. But it does need to take place somewhere.

We need to realize that the goal of our youth programs in the end is to teach our kids to be active members of our faith community. Segregating them at all gatherings doesn't do this. We need to raise the bar a bit. Hold Young Friends and Young Adult Friends accountable, as we would any other members of our community. We need to support them. We need to include them with the expectation that if this Quaker stuff feeds something in us, it may also feed something in them.

Because if you've grounded your kiddos (as both my friend and I have tried to do), given them a background in Christianity and Quakerism and taught them to value their own spiritual journey, you end up with Young Friends and Young Adult Friends who have passion and gifts and deep faith but who don't fit in. Who feel lonely and weird. Who just confuse older Quakers. Who aren't taken seriously. Who struggle to stay Quaker.

book

2009-11-19T02:51:00.000-08:00

I've belonged to a discussion group for a couple of years now. We meet once a week in a Methodist Church. Usually we read a book together. Sometimes we watch a series of DVDs and discuss. The books chosen by the group have been varied. We've read books by Walter Brueggemann, Amy Jill Levine, Marcus Borg, Diana Butler Bass and others. We just finished watching together the DVDs from last March's emerging church conference. Our next study is a Methodist book Three Simple Rules: A Wesleyan Way of Living.

I've been wishing I had a Quaker book to offer the group. I'm the only Friend. Most of the members of the group are Methodist from several local churches. Occasionally we have a Catholic friend join us and often a retired Baptist minister attends.

I've been trying to come up with a Quaker title that would have something to say to this diverse group. Most of my favorite Quaker books would be of little interest to a wider audience I think. We must have something to say to other Christians, but right now I'm drawing a blank!

hope

2009-11-10T03:02:00.000-08:00

I'm a hopeful person. I think I'm realistic, but I see hope as a gift. Most days I think the world is a beautiful place and it's filled with fine folks. There's evil and there's suffering and injustice. There's certainly sin. There are lost people who never live in God's dream for them. But there's also places where we see the Kingdom breaking out.

Evidently a recent blog post hid a nerve with me because it's stayed with me for weeks now. http://emergingquaker.blogspot.com/2009/10/new-age-girls-and-boys-quakers-and.html

I've wondered am I one of those Pollyanna Quakers she's referring to?

My experience is different though. I'm much more likely to run into harsh cynicism. I more often meet folks with an attitude that blinds them to beauty. Folks that distrust all other people and motives. Folks that refuse to accept that people can act in other than self interest (and the worst greedy, uncaring self interest at that). The attitude I see more often assumes that the world is a hard place and that it's on a quick road to destruction. There's nothing much we can do and any action or faith is not only too little too late, but actually stupid and a form of denial. Folks with this attitude often have sense of superiority. " I'm clear sighted and see the world as it is. You are stupid and engaged in pointless action." Some of these folks have experienced hardships and violence that I haven't. But I've run into this attitude in lots of places. In our meetings, in our youth. In privileged folks who seem to use it as an excuse to ignore suffering and a reason to disdain working for change.

So it's a line to walk.

I've been reading a book this week Doing the Truth in Love by Michael Himes (it's quite good I recommend it) and today's reading included some passages that really spoke to me. He makes a distinction between hope and optimism. Optimism is "a pleasant state, nice if you have it, but if it evaporates, it is of no ethical significance." Hope is different. "Hope does not put a rosy glow on reality: hope deals with reality even when it has no particular glow whatever. Hope deals with what is there in the belief that God is at work even when what is there does not make us feel good or raise our spirits. " "It has everything to do with facing the fact that things may be an utter and total mess. . .with the conviction that God is at work in the mess." "Hope recognizes, You will be nailed to the cross but in some way, God will triumph even in that."

That's the resurrection message that I've lived with.

sleep

2009-10-05T02:51:00.000-07:00

I wonder how often folks sleep through other Quaker meetings? It seems we've got someone asleep just about every week. We've also got folks that always read. Sometimes there will only be 4-5 of us. Two are reading and at least one sleeping.

I'm thinking this is not a sign of a vital meeting for worship.

But leaving feels very wrong. I'm pretty sure I'm meant to be Quaker and this is where I am, so this in my monthly meeting. Good, kind folks. Very occasionally a deep worship. But more often just a lot of "doctor's waiting room" type silence. Fidget, rustle, snore . . . Very, very little vocal ministry.

Community

2009-09-30T06:01:00.000-07:00

Eat local. Live simply. Support local family farms.

All good things that I support with all my heart. But sometimes we forget just how hard a choice it can be to run a small family farm. I have many, many friends who do and I hear the daily struggles. I know that many folks live right on the edge. A bad year (like this year's tomato blight) or an unexpected expense (like a huge vet bill) can mean that debt is incurred. But for the most part these setbacks are accepted as part and parcel of a more sane way of life. The homesteaders and organic farmers I know do so because they truly believe in the benefits of this lifestyle for their families, their customers and the earth.

But what looms is the "what if". . . "what if I get really sick". . . "what if I can't do this hard, heavy work". . . Small organic farms don't make a lot. But the work is constant and hard. Most can't afford health insurance.

As a community we are seeing what happens when the "what if. . . " comes to pass. Dear friends of ours have a small farm. Wild Acorn farm. They have lots and lots of animals. They raise meat, veggies, eggs and fiber naturally and humanely. And with joy. They barely scrape by, but they are living the life that they dreamed about. Jacqui is joyful, full of a deep faith and a true blessing to all who know her. The kiddos are wonderful, happy and loved. The entire family works hard, is involved with the community and have lots of friends that love them. They are the sort of folks that often have an extra person living with them and an open door for visitors (esp. those who need just a bit of help).

A few years back Jacqui had a health emergency. It was very serious and they incurred thousands of dollars of debt. They struggled to keep up with the bills. No amount of living frugally (and they do!) can make their money stretch that far.

And then Jacqui was diagnosed with breast cancer this spring. It's hard to keep up with chores and work when going through chemo or helping a spouse go through chemo. It's hard to pay bills when even more income is lost. They are in trouble. They are in danger of losing the house, the farm and their dream.

Our community is trying to help. We bring meals. We've had work parties and helped with chores. Animals have been fostered out. Farming friends have helped cut down flocks and fill the freezer.

But the bills keep piling up and we all live right on that edge too. So we are fund raising. We've got tag sales, dinners, raffles and so forth in the works. But a bunch of us are just asking for donations. Any amount will help. http://raynefamilybenefit.com/

a much wider Quaker world!

2009-08-12T03:57:00.000-07:00

I was working in the kitchen at the free community meal yesterday when someone asked me what church I attend. I told her that I attended the local Quaker meeting. She then asked about Quakers. It turns out her mom was raised Quaker (considering the age of the speaker her mom must have been a child in the 1800s) and she knew nothing about Friends but was very curious because of that family connection.

I started to go into my usual sound bite. Since I spend so much time with members of other faith communities and am often asked about Friends ("I've never met a Quaker before!") I've sort of developed a standard way to quickly explain Quaker worship and belief.

But then I realized I always describe unprogrammed liberal Quakerism (my version of it anyway). That leaves out a whole lot of Friends, in fact the majority of them. It took having a daughter called to pastoral ministry for me to truly acknowledge that my own vision of the Quaker world has been very limited. I need to rework my sound bite!

Gospel Revs

2009-08-10T10:33:00.000-07:00

Yes a Quaker school has a gospel choir and it's very good! My daughter sings in Gospel Revelations and just loves it. She often says it's her favorite thing about Earlham. She's been singing in it since Freshman year. It's joyful music and both the singers and the audience have a great time. She found a youtube video of a song from a concert they did last year. The quality of the recording is not very good, but it was fun for us to watch anyway.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmkNJEKveos

Vacation Bible School

2009-08-09T03:16:00.000-07:00

I taught at a Vacation Bible School last week. It was held at a local Lutheran church. The pastor is a friend and she asked me to help out. I really had no idea what I was getting myself into since the entire VBS thing was new to me. I never went (never even remember hearing about Vacation Bible School when I was a kid) and my kids never attended. I signed up to do the Bible lesson each day.

It was overall a really fun experience.

The church is over a hundred years old. The folks that attend do so for the most part because their families have attended for years (generations) or because they are Lutheran and there aren't very many in the area. They mostly don't live in the neighborhood anymore. It's right in the middle of the city in a struggling neighborhood. The folks at the church want to reach out and make more connections with the folks that live near the church. The VBS is part of this. And it did bring in kids from all around and provided a friendly way to meet and get to know some families. It was good outreach.

At first I struggled a bit with the evangelical nature of this. There was no doubt a religious message that we were teaching. But it was gentle. And for the most part the VBS just provided a fun, safe camp-like program to kids who really could use something fun to do.

The church bought a pre-packaged curriculum. It came complete with DVDs, CDs, puppets, lesson plans, crafts, games, activity books, little themed gifts to hand out and snack ideas. I'm not much for teaching with scripted lessons, so it was a bit challenging. But I was impressed by how much time and thought was put into this material. It was a bit too slick for my liking (music videos!) . But it really made the Quaker religious ed. stuff I've seen look very amateurish. The kids loved it. They really did. And it had a strong religious message. It didn't cut out the lesson to make the program more fun (as I've seen in youth gatherings so many times). We sure could learn a few things about outreach and taking religious ed. more seriously.

I wasn't happy with some of the theological messages behind the Bible lessons I was to teach. I talked to my friend about the issues I had with it and she gave me the go ahead to change the lessons as I saw fit. She knows me well enough to trust that I could teach a Bible lesson that was appropriate. It was hard to make many changes as the curriculum was so scripted and all the various parts fit together (songs, snacks, games, crafts. . . all were tied to the Bible lesson for the day) But I did make enough changes that I could feel comfortable with the message.

There was no pressure. No one ever suggested to the kids that they should be attending church or that they needed to "accept" Jesus. The themes each day were very simple. Things like "God is always with us" and "God cares for us" The music was catchy. It will take weeks to get some of these songs out of my head!

I'm sure some of the parents signed the kids up because it was free and it got the kids out of the house. The kids liked it because there were fun games, friendly adults, free little toys and crafts and tasty snacks (although I've already suggested bigger snacks or even a meal next year--some of these kids were just plain hungry!) The Bible lessons were very secondary, I'm sure. But overall the more I think about it, the more comfortable I am with the lessons. I don't think it's a bad thing to plant the seed that there is a loving God always there and always available. There is no doubt in my mind that some of these kids are already experiencing hardship and are on the path for even more challenges. It's not a bad thing that for one week, at least, someone teaches them that there is something larger, beyond the everyday struggles. Who knows, maybe it will be a comfort and a help.

YFIR

2009-08-04T03:54:00.000-07:00

I've been involved in a project for quite a while now. It's been named Young Friends in Residence (YFIR) and it actually looks like it is happening. Soon. The idea is that four young adult friends will commit for one or two years to live in a deep spiritual community where they will help each other and the wider community grow and prosper in the Spirit. They will participate fully in the life of Monthly Meeting, Quarterly Meeting and New York Yearly meeting and will provide outreach to the local communities.

Anchored by this intentional life and as part of the outreach to local communities, interns will design and administer a program of monthly conferences for youth 11 to 14 years old. The program will offer a stable, long term, accepting and affirming space in which pre-teens and young teens are able to experience Quaker spirituality and nurture one another.

We've got three Young Adult Friends, a host monthly meeting, a house for the interns to live in and some (but not all!) of the funding. The host meeting is excited but nervous about the undertaking. It's a big project! They asked for help training Friends to act as spiritual support for the interns and with that in mind we helped them put together an eldering workshop which was held last weekend. We've got a work weekend planned in a couple weeks to work on the interns house. Lots to do. And then Young Adult Friends move in in September.

I think it's going to be a growing experience for lots of Friends. I think it already has been. The interns will need to grow and stretch. The Friends in the host Monthly Meeting have already needed to stretch. And Friends in other meetings have begun to be involved and to think about how they can help with this work.

The focus has been, for many Friends, on the youth work. And that is vital, but there is so much more to this program than that. One of our interns is really attracted to the program because she feels led to work on her own spiritual growth but also to nurture the monthly meeting. She will act as a support person for the youth weekends (cook, registrations and so forth) but her focus the other aspects of the program. The other interns are most focused on the youth work. The interns have very different gifts and personalities. They are all needed. But it won't make for an easy, conflict free living and working situation I'm sure.

They need to figure out how it's all going to work. How they are going to work together. They need to develop the intentional community. As the first interns they can really set up the program and help to shape it.

The one intern most interested in spiritual nurture has expressed some worries. She feels she needs to convince the monthly meeting (and the other interns!) that there is more to the program than youth weekends. That she really does want to do things like help organize worship sharing, mid-week worship, Quakerism 101 classes, and so forth. That deepening and growing the meeting and the meeting's connections with other meetings in the area is what she is led to do. That it's not a burden and it's not boring for her. She needs to convince them really would rather do that then to facilitate the youth weekends and that it is a legitimate part of the program! And of course it is, it's always been part of our vision.

I'm wondering how it will all turn out. I'm nervous and excited.

social justice

2009-07-29T02:41:00.000-07:00

I've been very blessed to know and work with a number of wonderful, talented, caring, activists. Many of the ones I admire most are either clergy (or members of religious orders) or very active lay folk in their faith communities. They've shown me the way that one's faith can, and should, lead to action for peace and justice. Working with these people is a joy. Not only do they have years (decades) of experience organizing but they have amazing contacts in the community. We can sit down for an hour or two brainstorm, divide the work and get an event up and moving. Productive meetings! Yes!

They also lack entirely the harsh cynicism that so many other activists (and non-activists) have. Although I'm often the youngest person in the group, there's still a strong sense of hope. They haven't given up on people or the community. They don't think it's all a waste of time, or "too little too late." These are amazingly busy folks that have seen a lot of both good and bad in their lives yet our meetings are filled with enthusiasm, hope and gentleness. We also remember to set aside time together for prayer.

I've known many of these folks for years and have worked with them in various settings (lots of cross connections in such a small city) but there's one organization in particular that bring many of us together regularly. We had a tough meeting this week. We are a small component of a much larger organization. An organization that I admire and which does much, much good in the community. We heard a presentation on the newly developed mission statement and vision. It was good and we for the most part liked it. But it seemed to leave out the justice part of the picture. There is a need for direct service, for education, for opportunities to be involved and for building connections in our community. Feeding folks, housing folks, educating, and so forth are essential and we all do work on those needs. But we need to do more than just manage poverty. We need to take a look at the reasons why so many are in need in our society. There is a difference between charity and social justice.

And the person giving the presentation knows and believes in that as well. I've spent enough time with him, including time in worship, to know that. But he has the uncomfortable job of making sure the agency is funded. And that requires a pragmatism that sometimes puts him at odds with the more idealistic. We want to be the prophetic voice and he needs to not scare off the business donors or alienate the more conservative congregations. I felt for him. But I also felt in some ways we were being marginalized. Allowed to exist but not really represented in the mission of the agency or acknowledged. It was a tough meeting.

blight

2009-07-24T03:18:00.000-07:00

It's been a hard year to garden. It's cold and rainy. Everything was slow getting started. And now just when things were starting to take off and I was thinking it was going to be OK I spotted a patch of black moldy stuff on one tomato plant. I had heard from a farming friend that another organic farmer at market had lost her entire crop of tomatoes to late blight so I did some research. Sure enough I think that's what we have going on here. We've been super careful. We dug up the infected plant right away and buried it on another part of the land. We used a copper spray (OK for organic growers) but within days every tomato plant (we have about 40 plants) showed signs of blight. I think we are going to lose them all. Now I'm very worried about the potatoes.

On a brighter note, I've been helping out on a friend's farm one day a week and going to market with her one afternoon a week. The market I've been helping her with is in a neighborhood with few resources. Community organizers are trying to establish a farmer's market there. My friend sells at another market, a bigger, well established one in a upscale neighborhood. But she's also doing this one because she believes that good fresh local veggies should be available to everyone. The first week was good, this week was slow.

She's been filling my car with veggies whenever I help out. This time I got lots of beets, so I pickled some. I'll share the pickled beets with her. She gets so busy with the farm this time of year that she has little time to keep on top of the produce for her own family! This seems a good way to share.

rain

2009-07-04T02:43:00.000-07:00

The rain has just been unreal. Everything in the garden is soggy and stunted.

We made about 24 jars of cherry jam yesterday and froze a bunch of cherries. I made about a dozen jars of strawberry jam and a half dozen strawberry rhubarb last week. I've got some kale frozen and some rhubarb and strawberries. But that's about it.

I'm hoping for some warm weather and sun!

Play

2009-06-20T02:52:00.000-07:00

My sons were in a production of Midsummer Night's Dream last week. They've got two more performances to go. But the first one went very well. Neither kiddo wanted to do it at first but both were talked into it by friends. They asked for non-speaking parts at first but then said OK to small roles with lines. Neither has done any theater before and it was all new. The cast were all homeschooled kids ages 5-18. I worked on costumes and helped with sets. It's been a lot of fun and the kids did a great job. Gabe was Quince (the director of the play within a play)

and Sam was Snug (the one who plays a lion in the play within the play)There was a bunch of very cute little fairies. Oberon and Titania were played by two very accomplished teen actors.

I should have taken photos at the dress rehearsal but was busy with the sets. The photos taken during the play are not great (no flash allowed). So I've only got a few and they are dark!

This one is of Oberon and the pucks. The part of puck was played by three younger actors. Lots of energy and movement! I think it worked. Bottom was played wonderfully well by another friend. He was very funny!

My friend Jody has more photos on her blog : http://homeofhearts.wordpress.com/2009/06/18/a-midsummer-nights-dream/

flowers

2009-06-02T03:51:00.000-07:00

There is no fence between our neighbor's property and ours. The only time I wished there was was when our very elderly dog was still alive. I just could not convince her not to go over and take a look at Maureen's trash regularly. As a vegetarian household our food scraps were just not as exciting as the neighbor's. Luckily the neighbors still speak to us!

I like to sit on my back stairs in the sun. Sometimes just to rest for a moment, sometimes to knit. Maureen is a wonderful gardener. She grows masses of lovely flowers. There are beds all over the yard. When we first moved into our house her parents lived next door. Her mom had a very nice small flower bed on the other side of the house. When her mom died Maureen moved in to help her Dad out. After he died, Maureen's been living there alone. The flower beds have grown bigger and more beautiful every year.

We have one small, pitiful flower bed by the back door. It's weedy and neglected for the most part. We grow lots of veggies. I share a bit with Maureen who only has a couple small raised beds of vegetables. But I get the better end of the bargain for sure. I can look out my windows or sit on my back stairs and see the magnificent gardens Maureen tends. Her lawn is smooth and green and the flowers are a riot of color from early spring until late fall.

so here I am

2009-05-29T04:16:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I just want to give up.

I get discouraged with being part of a tiny meeting that's pretty set in its ways. It feels like any idea of growth was abandoned years ago. Any hope of working in the community was answered by "we are too small" and all that's left is just showing up for worship on Sunday because its the right thing to do.

I do see some renewal. A few new members. A bit of energy.

But so much of my spiritual energy these days is outside the meeting. The ecumenical groups I meet with and the social justice groups I work with know me better than my meeting does on some levels. My meeting knows the life details, my kids names and birthdates, where I grew up, my husband's job. Because we are pretty good at chit chat over potluck supper. And that's a form of community and I do value it. But my ecumenical groups know my theology, my spiritual struggles, what brings me to tears, what scripture is most meaningful to me, how I try to live my faith, why I'm mostly hopeful, how I know God.

I've tried to find a place for those sorts of discussions in our meeting community. I've invited Friends to join me in participating in the ecumenical groups. But not a lot of luck so far.

Meantime my favorite church. Host to one of the ecumenical groups I belong to. Rich with study groups and lively, serious groups of folks exploring theology and ways in which they can live a life centered on Jesus' message. Home to the most vital, faithful urban ministry I've ever seen. A bustling, love filled, serious Christian community is really struggling right now to keep its doors open. It's got new members. But they are folks from the neighborhood. Folks Jesus would be pleased to see. But folks without the money to keep the building running and pay the salaries (small though they are) of the good people that work at the church. I want to help, and I will. But I'm an outsider. It's not my church. It's not where I worship. I'm the Quaker who comes to things at their church.

Sometimes I get discouraged.

But whenever I pray about where I'm meant to be, it feels like the answer is in the Quaker community.

so here I am

Revelation

2009-05-26T04:27:00.000-07:00

I've been leading (ha!) an ecumenical discussion group on Barbara Rossing's book The Rapture Exposed. It's a fun group. I have no idea where the discussion will go each week, other than completely out of my control! Last week there were a number of folks that just watched, grinning, while I vainly tried to rein in a out of control discussion. One suggested that I need a gavel or a megaphone. I've discovered I'm very good at listening respectfully but very bad at cutting someone off when they veer off topic or talk too long. Oh well, at very least, it's a lively group.

One of the fascinating things that has developed in the month or so we've been working on the Rossing book and the Book of Revelation has been the discussion and development of what the Quaker term "Lamb's War" could mean for us today. Just that term has captured the imagination of some of the class and has provided a jumping off place for a reading of Revelation that emphasizes the non-violent power of Christ.

I hadn't anticipated this, but it's cool.

This site and some of the materials from it have enriched our discussion (although like everything else the group just took it and RAN! ) http://peacetheology.net/

http://peacetheology.net/the-book-of-revelation/articles-on-revelation/reading-the-bible-in-light-of-the-lambs-war/

busy

2009-05-22T03:20:00.000-07:00

I love having all four kiddos home for the summer. But I'm feeling busy. In the last three years my life filled up with all sorts of things that I could do because I only had two kids at home instead of four. Now there's six folks in the house again. Making room for the extra laundry, dishes and so forth as well as the extra driving and schedules to juggle is taking some adjustment! It's lovely, but I'm tired.

And my knitting is growing dusty because I've had so little time to pick it up lately!

Graduation

2009-05-05T03:02:00.000-07:00

At the end of the week our family travels to Indiana. My oldest daughter is graduating from Earlham. It hardly seems possible that its been four years. I remember so vividly moving her out there, so very far from home. I cried my way through Ohio when we returned to NY without her.

I'm excited, grateful and very happy. She's worked very, very hard and it hasn't been easy for her to get to this point. She's an amazing young women.

We are not sure what her next step will be. She's already asked our Quaker meeting for a clearness committee to help her discern God's path for her.

hiking

2009-04-26T03:32:00.000-07:00

I go to lots of Quaker gatherings where at some point Friends are asked to share about their spiritual journey. I've noticed that over and over and over when Friends talk about the moments when they first knew God, or felt God most strongly they were usually outside, often in the woods, often alone. I was at a gathering last spring where we broke into groups of five and talked about our most vivid memories from childhood. I was the only one who didn't share memories about being outside. I shared about watching my mom in the kitchen and listening to her tell stories about when she was growing up.

I spent lots of time outside when I was a kid. We lived in a small town and kids played outside all day, in all weather. My dad was a forest ranger and we hiked and camped. I lived in upstate NY where we had all of the Adirondacks to hike and Lake Champlain to swim in. I was bookish, but still I have many good memories of camping and swimming and hiking.

But really where I experience God most strongly is with people. I'm moved to tears by stories of people following God's call to help others. I worship best in a group of other worshipers. I read a lot, but it's in the talking it over with other folks that I truly understand. I'm always looking for ways to connect with others. Book groups, discussion groups, knitting gatherings, gatherings of all sorts. My most precious memories always include other people.

It's kind of strange really. I'm very introverted, quiet and shy! I don't mind solitude and I do love being in the woods. I love to hike. I think the world is the beautiful creation of a loving God. I was thinking about all of this as I hiked yesterday with my husband and sons. It was a wonderful day warm and sunny. It was our first hike of the year. We went to a park near us. It's a pretty county park adjoining a state forest (over 500 acres). There's lots of trails and very few folks seem to use the park. It's rare to meet anyone else on any of the trails. We had a great time. I loved it and we made plans to try to get out at least once a week and visit favorite hiking spots as well as explore some new ones.

But it wasn't a powerful spiritual experience! No more or no less than any other daily activity is. I'm still much more likely to strongly experience God's presence serving at a community meal than hiking through a gorge. Although both are favorite ways to spend some time!

A Saturday walk in the park

2009-04-19T04:01:00.000-07:00

It was beautiful very warm spring day. We really wanted to go for a long walk but the dog down the road scares us. We know it's always chained up but last fall it got loose and bit, badly, a women who walks along our road every day. The owners, who are nice folks and otherwise good neighbors, paid her hospital costs and promised to get rid of the dog. They want to find it a new home not put it down. We can all sympathize including the women who had been attacked. But really who wants a dog who bites? And if it's not safe on our rural road when they've got at least twenty acres of land, where might it be OK? So my sons and I talked about this problem, the ethics of it and the tough decision between the dog's life and people's safety. We all decided we didn't want to walk that way until the neighbors figured out what to do.

We talked about the waste involved in driving the car to the park to walk. But then we figured out a way to return the library books that were due and pick up something at the store and stop at the park. No extra gas wasted and we got our walk.

While we walked I told my sixteen year old about the book I'm reading The Powers that Be by Walter Wink. He was pretty interested and had some questions and observations. He got hung up on my description of Wink's discussion on the myth of redemptive violence though. He couldn't see how, if the myth was as long lasting and deeply embedded in human culture as I seemed to be suggesting, there was any hope. Finally after talking around it for a while he said maybe he just needed to read the book himself and then we could talk. "OK", I agreed. "You've got it next. "

My younger son took some photos of the river and birds. We talked about the plants growing along the river, exercise, our plans for hiking this summer and who was going to cook what for supper. Our meals lately are very cooperative efforts with the three of us dividing the meal and each doing parts. It was a normal, ordinary Saturday morning. We enjoyed the weather, each other's company and the interesting conversation.

After four miles we were ready to head home.

I worry about homeschooling my younger kids. They are not as academically minded as their older sisters. They fuss more and do less recognizable "school work." But I think maybe they are doing OK.

ministry

2009-04-13T03:19:00.000-07:00

This vocal ministry stuff is just plain weird at times. I've begun to recognize the signs that God has a message for me to speak. I center deeply as soon as I enter worship. Deep, deep, deep without trying, without knowing. Nothing distracts me or intrudes. It's like no other time in worship at meeting or by myself. A message forms and won't leave. My heart races. I speak without even knowing that I'm about to. The words come from me, but not really. I'm being used. And then everything is normal once more. My heart slows to its usual pace. I'm back in the library of the church we meet in. I once again register the street noises and notice Friends shoes and the little noises folks make. I often can't really, clearly remember exactly what I just said.

It's not comfortable. It's scary. It freaks me out a bit. But boy, is it undeniable. I've been a Friend for 17 years but it is only in the last several that I've had these experiences. And not often. But they seem to be coming more frequently, and stronger.

But I've now felt another new certainty. A knowledge that although I tried to be faithful, my ministry wasn't quite right. The words were pulled from me, and they hinted at the message I was given but they didn't quite go far enough or weren't quite all that I was meant to say. I stopped speaking, but my heart continued loudly, quickly for a minute or so. I re-entered the world, but with a feeling I hadn't quite got it. It was almost like the Lord let me go, but only after making sure I really wasn't going to finish. And with regret.

When the Lord has worked through me before I was left drained, empty and fragile for a bit. I left meeting quickly because the ordinary time after meeting was too weird. Didn't Friends feel that presence just then? Didn't anyone notice? I'm no good at small talk when just a few minutes before Spirit moved through me with such power.

But yesterday although still shaky. I wasn't empty in the same way. I almost wanted to apologize to Friends. "I tried Friends but you didn't really hear all God needed you to. There was more, but I didn't know how to put it in words. I was awkward, my words couldn't capture the love, hope and healing that was given me to tell to you. I'm sorry."

urban farm

2009-04-09T02:53:00.000-07:00

Someone on a local sustainability list I belong to just sent a link to an older Sojourners article about a urban farm and farmer's market. I'm always interested in reading about such efforts so I began to read the article. I was astonished and delighted to find out that the program they were talking about was in Red Hook, Brooklyn. That's our neighborhood! That's where my mother and her siblings grew up. That's where my grandparents were born and lived. That's where every generation on my family lived since they came to this country. I was born and then lived in Brooklyn when I was very small. That's the neighborhood I knew well from frequent visits to my grandparents until they moved upstate to be nearer to us when I was in my twenties.

To think of a farm and a farmer's market there is mind boggling. I've been passionately interested in local food systems, food justice, and esp. urban gardens and markets in low income neighborhoods. To put together those visions with the struggling neighborhood I know from my youth, lightened my mood this morning. OK I'll admit it--it brought tears to my eyes--you'd have to know Red Hook to understand!

We'd heard of IKEA building a superstore and various signs of more wealthy folks "discovering" Red Hook and it's potential for upscale growth (wonderful views--from my grandma's house you could look out over the water and see the statue of liberty). But I had wondered what would become of poorer folks in the neighborhood, which was just about everyone. This seems so much healthier a vision for the neighborhood.

http://www.sojo.net/index.cfm?action=magazine.article&issue=soj0605&article=060523 The Sojourners article. It's from 2006, but somehow I had missed it until it was sent to the list this morning.

http://www.added-value.org/market.php Website for the project. I hope it's still going strong! It sounds like it is.

http://www.seasonalchef.com/farmredhook.htm article about the farm.

sad

2009-04-07T03:33:00.000-07:00

We are shocked and sad and shaken in Binghamton. Such violence is impossible to understand. Folks gather to do our normal activities but subdued with a continual air of sadness. It's a small community and there are connections everywhere. A friend of a friend was lost. Someone we all know was in that class but thankfully had left right before the shooting happened. A member of a friend's congregation was killed. It will take us awhile to get over this pain. Someone said to me on Saturday that some good must come of this. I'm not sure what that could be right now.

The Great Emergence

2009-04-01T03:44:00.000-07:00

After checking the libraries for several months I finally got a hold of a copy of The Great Emergence: How Christianity is Changing and Why by Phyllis Tickle. I read it over the weekend. At first I was delighted to see that it is a slim book. Not that I don't like longer works, but after unsuccessfully trying to make my way through her book God Talk in America I was doubtful about anything she wrote. She has a writing style that, for me, gets in the way of what she is trying to say. I get frustrated with it and, at least in God Talk, decided that despite the interesting observations she made it wasn't worth the aggravation! I find probably only one book in fifty that I get so bogged down with or dislike so much that I return it without finishing. So when it does happen I shy from more work by that author. But the topic was of such interest for me I thought I'd give it a shot.

I found her writing to be less of a barrier in this book. I actually thought she could have used a few hundred pages more to really develop some of the points she made. It was far too short for such a big thesis! To say that Christianity is shifting in such a dramatic way (she likens it to the Reformation) could use more to back it up. I tend to agree, but hoped to see more examples and analysis of the shift.

Ironically I found her most helpful bits the diagrams near the end of the book. Usually visuals don't do much for me. They don't add understanding and I tend to give them a quick glance and then move on. In this case it may not have been the diagrams themselves that were so helpful as much as her discussion of them. Although she specifically says that Quakers are not included in at least her first quadrilateral, I found myself wondering where I fit in her pictures. Especially in the diagram "Surrounding Currents"

I'm too definitely tied to my denomination to be in the center of the diagram. So am I a "hyphenated" Quaker-Emergent? Or am I a "re-traditioning" member of my denomination? I'm pretty sure I'm not a Progressive, although that's who I mostly hang out with outside the Quaker world. I actually brought the book to my ecumenical discussion group yesterday. A few folks had read it. They are for the most part Methodists. There are a few seekers in the group and one Catholic and me. I think they all fall pretty firmly into the progressive category.

I think her description of the re-traditionalists spoke most strongly to me. "The re-traditionalists have also chosen to stay with their inherited church, but at the same time they energetically wish to make it more fully what it originally was. Like fond refurbishers who have inherited a much loved and historic house, they seek to update the wiring, install better plumbing, and modernize the kitchen, but not in order to sell it. Quite the contrary. They want to live in it for all of time, while simultaneously increasing its comfortableness, enhancing its natural beauty, and exposing its welcoming worth to all that pass by" (p 141)

spring

2009-04-01T02:25:00.000-07:00

My husband is doing what he always does this time of year, impatiently checking the garden, waiting for the ground to be dry enough to plant. Not yet. Although friends have said that they planted peas and several other things weeks ago, we can't imagine planting in our mud pit yet! We do have some greens doing well in the cold frames and lots of seedlings under the lights in the house.

We are talking about chickens. The family is divided on it though. My son is worried they will become his job. I think it would be cool to have a few. But the truth is so very many of our friends have chickens and often too many eggs. We always have plenty of fresh eggs.

My husband is signed up for a bee keeping workshop. He's always been fascinated with the idea of keeping bees. I'm away so many weekends doing Quaker stuff. I thought he should do something he was interested in one weekend. He choose a weekend long bee keeping training. I don't know if we will ever get bees, but after twenty years or so of talking about it I think it's wonderful that he's exploring it in a more serious way.

I think this will actually be the year we make it all the way to the next growing season without running out of stored fruits and veggies. We don't have a ton of stuff left and the variety isn't great, but we do have some things. We may never run out of green peppers and pesto! No end in sight for those things.

lots more books to read

2009-03-23T07:52:00.000-07:00

I drove my daughters back to Earlham this weekend. It's a long trip but it gave me time to listen to a few books on CD. I also carted bags and bags of books home with me in an attempt to lessen the load in May. Since my oldest is graduating we will all be going out there this time. Siblings will take up room that could otherwise be used for boxes of books, rolled up posters and trash bags stuffed with bedding.

One of the cool things about having one daughter who is a religion major and the other who is a history major and a religion minor is that they have lots and lots of interesting books for me to pick through. And since they go to a Quaker school some of the books are even on Quaker spirituality or history. I've got quite the stack put aside that I want to read.

prayer

2009-03-18T03:28:00.000-07:00

My ecumenical discussion group's topic yesterday was prayer. It was pretty interesting. A lot of the discussion didn't click for me because we were working with very different ideas of just what prayer is. Most folks seemed to think that prayer was important, but the way they had been taught to do it wasn't meaningful. Prayer was a problem for them. They knew that true prayer wasn't about just saying the right words that they had been taught. They worried that prayer could be a replacement for work, and a way of dumping responsibility for the problems of this world on God and expecting him to do something about them. They worried that praying for someone implied that God had a scorecard and the person with the most prayers said for them got the healing.

It was all interesting stuff, but didn't really address my thoughts or concerns about prayer. It came to me that the way they were talking about prayer mostly involved words and talking. That isn't my usual definition. When I talked about that distinction we got off on a discussion about prayer vs. meditation vs. contemplative prayer. But those distinctions, as the group members articulated them, didn't really work for me either.

I think it came down to a directional distinction. When I pray I open myself to God with the hope that God will use me, lead me. . . The prayer they mostly seemed to be discussing was in the other direction. Asking God to do something.

But of course it's more complicated than that. And sometimes I do just cry out to the Lord and plea for help. I think most folks do.

One friend, who is an amazing person of faith and a lifelong activist talked about prayer being "the action before action". That almost worked for me. Although it did seem to diminish prayer a bit. In her description prayer is pretty worthless unless followed by real, concrete in-this-world action. I'm a bit more willing, I think, to accept prayer as a good thing even if not followed by overt activism. Prayer can change your heart in ways that the world can't see but are real none the less. But I think in her words I saw my most often repeated prayer (and indeed the only one I express in words regularly), that I be open and faithful. Open to God's will and faithful in my response to it.

I've been meeting with ecumenical groups for years. I'm always the only Quaker in the group. So I'm often put in the position of offering the Quaker perspective on the topic at hand. Little do they know there is no such thing and if there was I'd probably not be the Friend chosen to articulate it!

But the longer I hang out with these folks looking for "more" in their own faith journeys, the more I realize how often Quakerism is so close to what many others are yearning for. If our meetings were actually what they sound like they should be in our writings, we'd have a winning form of Christianity that would appeal to a pretty wide group of folks.

a day spent in worship

2009-03-15T06:07:00.000-07:00

I spent yesterday at NYYM Meeting for Discernment. It was a long day. It was a three hour drive each way, the meeting was from 9-4 and then I had a brief meeting with a committee I serve on afterwards. But I was happy that my daughter was able to attend with me. She got in from Indiana Friday night (skipping a couple classes on Friday so that she could make it back to NY in time!) And although the work of the meeting was corporate discernment about how Spirit is working in the monthly meetings within yearly meeting. I've come to realize that my day was spent understanding things on a more individual level.

For some reason both mapquest and yahoo directions described a route to Poughkeepsie that turned out to involve going over a mountain. I decided to follow those directions instead of going the way I’ve been before. While driving on the steep and twisty roads (and being very glad it was March and not February!) I saw lots of hikers and even some brave souls camping. Which got me totally excited about hiking with my family as soon as it warms up a bit and the mud isn’t quite so deep.

My daughter, who had been invited to act as a elder for the meeting, was given a message early in the day to “kneel at the foot of the cross.” Being uncertain what to do with that message she finally decided to just focus on the image of herself actually kneeling at the bottom of a large cross. When she did she was drawn much deeper into worship and was able to stay there for the entire day. She was puzzled but glad. She thinks she was being asked to submit to God’s will, give up the tight control she hold just about everything in. I was thankful to have the long drive home to talk with her about her experiences and joyful that she shared them with me so openly.

I think I finally realized and accepted that much of the awkwardness and discomfort I feel in Quaker circles stems from issues of class. I just flat out come from and live in a different world than many Friends. Yet I know I’m supposed to be here and I love, very deeply, this community. Perhaps now, after all these years, that I’ve faced this, I can let it go. I’ve got such tender skin and easy to push buttons over anything having to do with money and social class. This is my issue. I need to stop letting it be a barrier to true community.

I was embarrassed and uncomfortable over a small incident early in the day having to do with money. The Lord asked me in worship to imagine how I would have handled the situation if the roles had been reversed and I had been signing folks in and collecting money and the other Friend had been the one caught short. I realized I would have welcomed the Friend, smiled and assured her that it was fine. After that comfort I was able to let it go.

Although there were many messages and some very powerful ministry yesterday, I think Christ’s work with me had to do with community, trust and letting go of barriers. Good stuff.

thanks

2009-03-13T08:24:00.000-07:00

The sun is shining. I've got my outdoor laundry lines full for the first time in months. My daughters are on their way home for spring break. Our seed co-op order came in this week. Bread is rising in a bowl on the counter. I've got a sock in lovely green wool on the needles. I get to spend all day tomorrow in worship with Friends.

Life is good and full of joy.

Thank you God.

quotes

2009-03-12T06:48:00.000-07:00

Two quotes that may not be related, but that won't leave me these last few days.

" We hear the same texts that our ancestors heard but we hear them not necessarily as they heard them, but as only we can. Thus the reading and hearing of scripture are for Christians in each generation a Pentecostal experience."

Peter Gomes
The Good Book p. 20

"I have felt tender breathings in my soul after God."

John Woolman, 1744
quoted in Plain Living -C. Whitmore

economic hard times

2009-03-10T02:42:00.000-07:00

The tough place that some folks are in is starting to become much more obvious closer to home. My students are often from families that live pretty close to the edge anyway. One student who has never, ever been late with a payment is now having a difficult time getting the money to me. One has reduced the lessons from twice a week to once a week. Another is missing sessions because money is so tight. I need to find a way to convince folks that I really, truly, honest-to-God would rather not get paid than miss a lesson.

I charge about 1/4- 1/5 the going rate for the type of tutoring I do. I've been lectured by other tutors about my low fees. But I don't want to be a resource that only wealthy folks can afford for their kids. I've been in the situation of knowing my kid needed help but not having the money to get the type of lessons others could afford. My solution was to learn to do it myself. And I was blessed to meet wonderful folks at the right time that helped me do just that! So now I have a dyslexic daughter who reads (and is graduating from college in May!!!) and skills and materials that I can use to help other kiddos.

When someone first contacts me about tutoring I always let them know that getting the student the help that he/she needs is far more important than the money. I always suggest bartering (I'll work for veggies, fresh eggs, work exchange. . .) and am always willing to negotiate a lower fee if that's what is needed. I will, and have, also just tutored for free. But it's hard to convince folks that I mean it. I absolutely hate the idea of a kid struggling when I could help. I need to find a solution.

The Rapture Exposed

2009-03-03T11:53:00.000-08:00

I was asked today to lead a discussion group (ecumenical adult religious ed) on the book The Rapture Exposed: The Message of Hope in the Book of Revelation by Barbara Rossing. I didn't say yes, but I didn't say no either. I'm not really sure what to do. I've got the book now and it seems like a pretty interesting read. But I've never really paid much attention to the rapture/ end times stuff. I've never read a Left Behind book. Revelation is not my favorite book in the Bible. So I've never felt a need to debunk something I never much cared about anyway. . . I really like the folks that asked me though. . .

Well, it will probably be a really interesting group discussion, it will give me a chance to re-read Revelation, and maybe I'll even pick up a copy of one of the Left Behind books.

And if I'm leading the group we get to start and end each session with some silence, right? :)

Truth and Wholeness

2009-03-01T03:55:00.000-08:00

We ended up with nearly a hundred folks at the workshop yesterday. We had so many churches represented, but also Jewish folks and a group of Muslim folks interested in forming ties with the council of churches peace with justice committee. The small group discussions were rich and honest. There was such a feeling of working together to dismantle this sinful construction of race and white privilege. We invited many folks to join us at our regular committee meeting on Monday. I have a feeling our committee may be growing!

What a Spirit filled gathering!

Twice as many muffins!

2009-02-27T03:26:00.000-08:00

I've never been so happy to see an estimate be totally wrong. I've been involved in the planning of a community workshop called Truth and Wholeness: Understanding Race, Privilege, and the Promise of God. It's being sponsored by the peace with justice committee of the Council of Churches. I volunteered to coordinate the food. It runs from 8:45 am to 1:00 tomorrow. It's a free workshop, but we did ask folks to register so we could plan. At the beginning of the week we thought maybe we should plan food for 30 people. Which, quite frankly, is a pretty good turn out in my experience for a community social justice event of this sort. I got an e-mail this morning saying that the official count is at 62! I'll be baking a whole lot more muffins this afternoon and getting out the big bowl to make the hummus!

I'm just thrilled that so many folks are interested in working on the hard issues of white privilege and racism. It makes me hopeful.

a shared path?

2009-02-25T04:16:00.000-08:00

I sometimes wonder and question my tendency to study and read. Am I substituting study for action? Reading for prayer? Do I live too much in my head and not enough in my heart? But it seems hard wired in me. I do try to focus and make time for prayer and action as well. But the study, the reading, the classes and the lectures are pure joy.

There is so much to learn. I can't imagine ever feeling like Christianity is empty and I need to search elsewhere to find what I need. It is so deep. So much history, so many facets and diverse understandings. So rich. . . ethics, history, social justice, mystics, prayer, spiritual discipline. . . and yes, horror and terrible things as well. But not irredeemable. No more than humanity is.

I sometimes feel sad that I've found no Friend(s), other than my kids, to share this spiritual richness with. The ecumenical groups I belong to fill this need a bit. But they are not Quaker, and so that way of understanding is alien to them. I've made an entire roomful of practical down-to-earth Methodists very uncomfortable with a description of a mystical experience. I've struggled to express the idea of being led by God. It feels weird that in my own faith community I haven't been able to locate someone who feels comfortable enough to share these things.

In the writings of many Quakers (historical as well as more modern) I hear articulated things I feel and long for. A deeply felt Christianity but, Quaker style and my heart says " Yes!" But is that gone? Or is it just gone here? Sometimes I catch a hint of it. But mostly not.

In the meantime I have books and my ecumenical study groups, and talk around the kitchen table. The authors of the books I read often articulate things that resonate. I'm like a kid in a candy shop when I've got a pile of books. I go from one to another. Bible commentary, Christian Theology, prayer, social justice, history, Quaker thought, Quaker history, writings of early Friends, Christian mystics around and around. So much, so deep, so rich. A life time wouldn't be enough time to learn all there is and to taste the richness and hear the voices. All glimpses of what I feel in prayer. And maybe prayer should be enough. But I somehow feel that those glimpses I get in other people's understanding and experiences bring me closer. . . to God. . . to truth. . .

Books

2009-02-22T05:45:00.000-08:00

I'm currently reading Blessed Unrest by Paul Hawkin. I want to like it a lot more than I actually do. There's great stuff here but the book itself is slow moving. I'm plugging away at it without it grabbing me. Not sure why. I do know that I felt the need for a dictionary at least twice while reading it. That's something that happens very, very rarely. I've spent a lifetime devouring stacks of books per week. Vocabulary's never been a problem!

I finished Closing the Food Gap by Mark Winne last week. I found it valuable. It challenged some of the ways I look at hunger issues (food insecurity). I was very impressed by his experience and insights. I've already recommended it to folks I know that are working on these issues in my community.

I caught a peek of Fit for Freedom, Not for Friendship this weekend. I attended a committee meeting that was far enough away to necessitate an overnight stay. My roommate had a copy of the book. Wow! My first reaction was surprise by the size of it. I somehow hadn't expected such a hefty work! I'm looking forward to getting a copy and reading it. My book reading has a tendency to lag just a bit behind some folks. This is because I usually try to get books from the library or borrow them from friends and family or as a last resort buy a copy used. But this looks like one I may actually order new.

Young Friends in Residence

2009-02-20T03:44:00.000-08:00

For the last several years I've been part of a group in NYYM working on a project we've named Young Friends in Residence. The basic idea is that four or so Young Adult Friend interns will live in intentional spiritual community for one or preferably two years. Out of this intentional life will come monthly youth programs for 6th to 9th graders. The young adults will facilitate these weekends. The youth programs will offer a stable, long term, accepting and affirming space in which pre-teens and young teens are able to experience Quaker spirituality and nurture one another. Its purpose is to create a space where young people experience and respond to Spirit: A place where all participants experience living in this Spirit. From this place participants engage in fundamental Quaker practices: seeing that of God in themselves and each other; holding each other in the Light, corporate worship and discernment; a profound sense of our deep connection one with the other.

In addition to this being a program to nurture junior high youth, we see it as a young adult program to develop leadership and gifts of ministry, to foster spiritual growth, to encourage intentional community and active participation in monthly meeting, regional meeting and yearly meeting and as a means of outreach to local communities.

The project has been in the planning stage for years. Recently we've identified a host monthly meeting and have added the energy and enthusiasm of the members of that meeting to our work. The host monthly meeting is doing exciting peace work and looks forward to involving the interns in this work and into the life of their meeting. Ideas are really flowing and the program looks more promising and meaningful all the time. Things are kicking into high gear and moving ahead. We are working out funding and actively looking for Young Adult Friends that might be interested in serving as interns.

I'm currently devoting a large part of my time and thought to this project. Please hold us in the Light. Please pray that we remain faithful and true to the Spirit and the work we are supposed to do.

And if you'd like to hear more about this project just let us know and we'd be happy to send out more info! yfirwg at gmail.com

wow

2009-02-18T03:08:00.000-08:00

I've been watching my 16 year old working on his ideas about faith. G never does things the easy way. It's included lots of in-your-face doubt and disbelief. For years. It was hard for everyone involved. But I tried to be patient as he wrestled and to be there for him. It's serious work.

In our family we talk about religion all the time. We just do. It's our dinner conversation. It's in the air. One of the things we've talked about is that all Friends really need to be convinced Friends, that although you can be born into a meeting or raised Quaker at some point you still need to be convinced. G doesn't often jump in (although he has more this last year) but he hears it. I've seen signs and had a few discussions with him in these last few months that indicated he was in a transitioning phase.

So last night on the way home from a meeting (Quaker work that he's become involved in too) he started talking. He talked and he talked and he talked non-stop for the hour and a half ride home. This is pretty unusual for him. Currently he's more of a silent "I'm too cool to talk but I may grunt occasionally" teen guy.

He said he was convinced at about 14 and now (just in the last few months) he considers himself Christian. He then talked passionately about what that means to him. He talked about the Bible. He talked about Jesus and the Kingdom of God. He talked about God's justice, about the focus on the poor, about the prophets, about the meaning of resurrection, about the change in Christianity after Constantine, about creeds, about prayer, about the meaning of Christ's death. . .it was an outpouring.

I was pretty stunned by how much he had obviously been thinking about this stuff. How much he had listened to the talk going on around him. What he had made his own and what had become most important to him. I was most moved by his description of what he thinks it means to be a Christian and what that might mean for his future.

I've always known he was a good, kind, gentle kid. I've always loved him just as much as humanly possible. But he impressed me last night. I've got some things to learn from him. I'm looking forward to exploring them together.

away

2009-02-17T03:35:00.000-08:00

I was at Pendle Hill for four days. I purposely didn't go near a computer. The spiritual discipline exercise for my Justfaith class was to fast (food or some other sort of fast) during the week. I chose to eliminate electronic media. TV was no problem since I don't watch it anyway. But I thought the computer would be harder.

Being away made it much easier. And to tell the truth, the work that was going on at the consultation that I was attending was so deep and powerful I really never thought about it much.

community meal

2009-02-11T03:25:00.000-08:00

I worked in a local soup kitchen yesterday. I sometimes help out when a friend's church is in charge of providing the meal. They do it one Tuesday a month. Every time I enjoy it and wish I could figure out a way to help out in a similar community meal more often. I wish our Quaker meeting was involved in a project like this. I love to cook. I enjoy cooking for large groups. I love serving folks food, smiling and talking to them as they get their meal. I'm fairly regularly, at least several times a year, asked to provide the food for a community event (usually a meal for a peace speaker or a workshop of some sort). I've cooked in a lot of local church kitchens. It's always fun.

I must admit, it's most fun when I get to pick the menu and do things my way :-) I don't like using the instant potatoes or mixes that often seem to be part of the meals this particular group makes. But the food is plentiful, filling, hot, made with love and given for free. And probably more "from scratch" than many folk's Tuesday night supper is. Anyway just making salad or cutting up fruit in a busy kitchen full of folks is a pleasant way to spend an afternoon. You get time to talk and you get to know folks while working . I'm getting to know some of the people from my friend's church. Our Quaker meeting could use a good way for folks to spend time together and get to know one another. Working together is a wonderful for community building.

We fed about 70 folks last night. Some new folks, including several families with small kids.It's good work. I'm grateful to be given the opportunity to help.

Deep Economy

2009-02-09T03:11:00.000-08:00

I'm reading Deep Economy by Bill McKibben. I'm really enjoying it and have actually found it a wonderfully hopeful book. I get so discouraged at times, this book is chock full of stories of folks building community and being good neighbors and finding ways to make things work. I know a book is making me think and getting me excited if I find myself calling members of the family into the room to read them bits. I've been doing that for the last several days with this book (my poor long suffering kids and husband!). I've talked my husband into reading it as soon as I'm finished. That's a big deal since he pretty much only reads mystery novels and gardening books! I talked him into Animal, Vegetable, Miracle last year by emphasizing the gardening aspects :-). He enjoyed it, so I sold this one by pointing out some of the similarities to Kingsolver's book.

The biggest result of reading this though is that it's made me determined to be part of the sustainability coalition's local food systems task force. I'm not sure I can find any way to attend the meetings. But I'm looking into ways to participate and someone from our family will be at the next meeting!

Good read. I recommend it.

lesson plans

2009-02-08T09:36:00.000-08:00

I'm writing lesson plans and making some activities for my tutoring kiddos today. I have a couple older kids that I made some new spelling rule generalization practice sheets for. They are much like these on Sue's resource room site: http://www.resourceroom.net/readspell/doubling.asp

But I've got a 3 younger students that enjoy games. I use the games at the end of the lesson. They like them. It ends the session on a good note and then I can send the game home for practice. They are much more likely to play a game at home between lessons than do a work sheet or read lists of words. There are some great resources out there for younger kids. A few of my favorites are:

http://www.sparklebox.co.uk/index.html Amazing stuff to print out. It is British so occasionally the words don't work for my kiddos. But we love the loop cards, the word picture matches, the sight word cards (print two sets and play concentration), the word card sets (great for board games), the playdough mats, and more. So much more! One kiddo constantly asked "how much longer?" For him I print out a "split pin" animal (they have several sets) each lesson. As he finishes a lesson plan segment I give him a part. He can see how close he's getting to the end by how much left he's got on his animal. Then he takes them home. I'm told he has them all up on his bedroom door. Must be quite the collection by now!

http://www.activityvillage.co.uk/ Another British website. This has loads of stuff to print. There are few "reading" games. But lots of things that can be used to make reading games. I write words on the tic tac toe boards and use them for a very quick review. I like the printables to cut up and make board games. The concentration cards can be used as decorative word cards for reading games and so forth. They are bright cheerful and great when you need a holiday themed activity.

Homeschooling high school

2009-02-07T02:51:00.000-08:00

We made some changes to our homeschooling plans over Christmas break. None of us were satisfied with how this year was going. G's only got a year or two before "graduation" and he definitely has decided that he wants to go to college. He sat down with his older sister and evidently talked late into the night about what he wanted to accomplish and why it wasn't happening. Then they brainstormed ideas. The next morning he very seriously came to me and said he had changes he wanted to make in his homeschool curriculum and could we spend some time coming up with new plans? Since I've tried in vain for years to get him to show some interest in our plans or at least give me some ideas to work with, I was thrilled! In NY state we are required to submit a IHIP (individualized home instruction plan) each summer for the upcoming year. So major changes would need to be reported to the school, but I'm still comfortable with changing direction mid year if need be.

What he proposed was dropping his plans to do AP European history and instead just coming up with a book list of history books that look interesting and listening to lots of teaching company lectures. He wanted to get rid of the Algebra 2 text he was using (burning might have been mentioned!). He wanted to focus on his writing (MUCH needed!) by coming up with a list of topics and producing a 3-5 page paper every three weeks. He just wanted to watch Shakespeare plays and listen to lectures about them for English. He wanted to add ACT prep to his regular daily assignments. Physics was OK and Spanish was OK. But he wanted me to "make sure he actually did the stuff he was supposed to do"

We spent a couple days working out some new plans and so far it seems to be better. A friend recommended and then lent me the Teaching Textbook Algebra 2 program. This seems to be a better fit. Instead of finding time each day to sit down with me and go over the math lesson he can use the CD, do the problem sets and then use another CD to see the solutions for any problems missed. This means if he doesn't get to an assignment during the day (a frequent occurrence) he can now do it at 1 am if need be. This was not OK when I was going through each lesson with him. I do not do math after 8 pm! This has eliminated a major daily argument.

He's having more trouble keeping to his writing plans. But he has managed one paper so far, and the next he promises will be in my hands by Monday. That's better than when I chose the topics! They are longer and better written as well. ACT prep is moving right along. All in all the new plans seem to be working. Best of all he helped make them. Not only am I finally seeing him take some interest in what he's doing academically but he knows that these are his plans so complaining to me just isn't appropriate!

Mending

2009-02-06T05:42:00.000-08:00

I've been working on the mending for the last few days. I still have a bunch left to get through over the weekend. I'm getting better at darning socks. It really is easier if you catch it when the fabric is just wearing thin rather than after a big gaping hole develops! I'm happy to use my grandma's darning egg. It works well and makes me feel connected with a long line of frugal women! I ended up with all the things of my grandma's that no one in the family could imagine having any use for. I got the darning egg, her button box and her large collection of knitting needles and crochet hooks! It took knitting all my family's socks to really appreciate the necessity of darning! When you spend that much time making something you don't want to throw it away until there's just no life left in it at all!

In the last few days I've sewed up some holes in sheets and pillowcases. Replaced a couple buttons. Fixed a zipper and of course patched some jeans. There are always jeans to patch. I've got two comforters that may make one usable one. One has fabric that is worn so thin it's shredding. The other is pretty new but the quilting stitching all came out and the stuffing migrated to one end and is in one big wad. I think I can open it up and take out the wad, slip the worn one in and sew it back up. It should be like a new cover. I might tie it like a quilt to hold the inner one in place.

I'm trying to figure out a way to mend towels that have frayed edges. The fabric is fine but the edges get rattier with each washing. I tried a hem but it's bulky with the terrycloth. I'm going to try bias tape next. I wish my grandma was still alive to ask. I'm positive she mended just about everything! She had to growing up and living in the tenements in NYC. Working class Irish, part of a huge family with no money. She and her sister, my Aunt Flossie, had sewing skills that I so wish hadn't been lost! I'll still find something on occasion at the bottom of the hope chest or in the linen closet and be awed by the tiny stiches and the nearly invisible mending. My Aunt Flossie would buy clothes at the goodwill and use the fabric to make new ones for my mom and her siblings when they were growing up. My sewing skills look like a toddler's compared to hers! My mom taught me to use a machine and sew an outfit from a pattern and cloth from the fabric store. But mending or hand sewing or making new things from unneeded old things, those were the skills from the older generations.

But this is all part of my attempt to respect the work of the folks who make the items my family uses. It seems disrespectful to treat the goods as disposable junk. Too much energy was put into making them and into getting them to me. I'm positive I didn't pay nearly what they are worth in true cost. Although we try to be mindful in our purchases I'm sure most of the items we use involved exploitation, waste and a too high environmental cost. We like most folk here are used to stores filled with plentiful, cheap goods. At very least I can use each item to it's fullest. And of course the longer I can use something the fewer things I need to buy. So my mending pile is a fixture here and I'm slowly but surely learning how to make things last just as long as they possibly can!

http://www.tutorials.com/06/0632/0632.asp How to darn a sock
http://www.sewingweb.com/Projects/PatchJeans/ This is the method I use most often to patch
http://www.thefrugallife.com/towels.html some ideas for ratty edged towels !

food waste

2009-02-05T03:56:00.000-08:00

I read this in the newsletter from our local council of churches yesterday.

" 2008 saw an increase in the amount of food collected by Broome Bounty at the areas' two major truck stops. Truckers who can't deliver their food loads because of damaged packaging or the customer simply refuses delivery, would in the past, stop at a truck stop and ask the manager the location of the nearest landfill. The managers now give out the phone number of the Community Hunger Outreach Warehouse (CHOW). From frozen meats and prepared meals to one truck with a load of 300 cases of low-fat yogurt, the truck drivers express appreciation for the chance to give the food to others rather than dump it."

I'm very, very grateful that someone figured out a way to save and distribute this food. I'm also horrified to think that large quantities of edible food used to be (and no doubt still are many times and in many places) just dumped into landfills.

It kind of put the shriveled parsnip I found in my root cellar into perspective!

afghans for Afghans

2009-02-04T03:11:00.000-08:00

After a several month break afghans for Afghans has a new campaign. I've loved knitting for this group. I think of each item I knit as a hope for peace. I'm grateful to have the opportunity to send a warm, handknit gift to a person living in real hardship. There's so much we need to do, but this is a tangible, tiny, love and hope filled first gesture.

I'm currently working on child sized socks. But I think I'll knit a few pairs of mittens as well. Someone gave me 8 skeins of lovely blue wool yarn. I can make as many pairs of socks and mittens as I can find time to knit! The current campaign is for newborn hats, socks, and blankets and small children's (age 2-8) hats, socks, mittens and blankets. As with all afghans to Afghans projects the items should be wool. Here's the link to the page explaining the specifics: http://www.afghansforafghans.org/2009campaign.html

If you knit or crochet consider helping out. It's a great group!

lessons to be learned

2009-02-03T10:25:00.000-08:00

If you are a teacher you have probably met at least one kid who constantly pushes all your buttons. This is the kid who spends so much time and energy tormenting you that you just know if you could get him to devote even a fraction of that to his work he'd make remarkable progress. I have one now. He is truly the hardest child I've ever worked with (in a life spent working with some pretty hard to deal with kids!) I've almost been in tears any number of times and have come close to throwing up my hands and giving up regularly. I've actually had the phone in my hand to call his folks and quit. But just this week I've discovered I really love this kiddo. Not because he's gotten any better. I think it's actually because we've been through so much together. He's working so hard at being uncooperative and I'm working so hard at trying to teach him something.

But I think I've also realized that he's given me several very valuable gifts. I belong to an ecumenical study group that meets on Tuesday mornings. Today one women talked about how the very folks that she finds hardest to deal with are the ones with the greatest gifts for her. She illustrated it with a story about a co-worker. The co-worker had an annoying voice and a habit of getting too close. After trying to avoid interacting with her, she realized that she needed to learn to listen more closely to folks who's voices grate and be comfortable when someone moves a bit too close. Both wonderful lessons and gifts.

My student has made me a better teacher than I ever would have been otherwise. He's made me look closely for the steady, tiny improvements and be content. He's made me very grateful for every card read or every word written. He's made me creative and patient and calm in the face of extreme provocation. All good gifts.

Ethics of soap making

2009-02-03T06:21:00.000-08:00

Making vegetarian soap can be quite expensive. In addition the olive oil and coconut oil are certainly not local! It’s lovely stuff, but it can feel like a luxury and it is a prohibitively costly option for any use but hand/body soap. I still do buy commercial soap for making laundry detergent and household cleaning. However, if you have friends that raise their own meat (as I do) you have options for a much less expensive soap. But I’ve been a vegetarian for thirty plus years. My kids have been vegetarian all their lives. Part of me says “No way” (especially when I think of rendering tallow!). But part of me wonders if this might be an OK option. We aren’t going to eat the soap. The animals weren’t killed to make soap. Using the fat is a way to make the best use of as much of the animal as possible. And I’m pretty convinced that the families that I know that raise animals for food are doing so in a humane, sustainable, responsible way. If I were going to eat meat, this would be the only sort I’d feel comfortable with. But so far I haven’t had the courage to make non-vegetarian soap.

Food Waste

2009-02-02T02:41:00.000-08:00

I signed up for the Food Waste Reduction Challenge over at the Crunchy Chicken blog.

My husband works nights and takes leftovers for dinner each day. I have hungry teen boys in the house. I've also lived on a very tight budget for decades and developed very frugal habits. So we don't have a whole lot of edible food being thrown away.

But we do have a problem with food going bad in the root cellar. That will be my focus. The root cellar is a pain to check regularly. You have to go through our pretty nasty cellar to get to it. The light doesn't work right. There are spiders :-) It's just so much easier to grab something from the freezer than to venture down there.

So opening it up every few days (esp. this time of year) usually means finding something that needs composting. I'm going to try to be better about checking it more often and trying to use up those things that need to be used up first.

looking back on the garden

2009-01-30T02:00:00.000-08:00

It's time to put together the seed order. We order from Fedco Co-op seeds http://www.fedcoseeds.com/ with a farming friend and a few other folks. The fedco catalog is a lot of fun. I had a few extra hours yesterday (a tutoring student canceled) and spent them reading through the catalog picking out old favorites as well as new varieties to try. Putting together the seed order is a good time to look back on the garden and figure out what worked and what didn't. Every year is different! The garden was about 30 x50 feet in 2008. My husband and son have been talking about expanding it. They are also working on plans for a greenhouse! Our garden often has a few too many weeds and is more productive than pretty.

But the garlic, basil, sweet peppers, potatoes and green beans all did very well this year. This is the first garlic of the season. We ended up with about 60 heads. The carrots, kale, summer squash, lettuce, and peas were OK. The tomatoes, pumpkins, winter squash, beets, turnips, parsnips were all disappointing. We got some of each, but not as much as we hoped.

The peppers just wouldn't stop producing. It was weird how many we got!

The tomatoes were especially a bummer though. We got a large crop the year before and this year looked great. We had lots of fruit and everything looked perfect but they ended up with a blight that killed the plants before the fruit was ready. We got some, but not what we should have. We grew 30 paste tomato plants, and just a few cherry and salad tomatoes. I was hoping to have enough to put up homemade ketchup and salsa as well as the usual tomato sauce, pasta sauce and pizza sauce. But it turned out that I was only able to make pasta sauce. We are almost out.

We grew lots of nice, big cheerful sunflowers in the garden. That was great! They were a joy to see all season. We harvested the heads and the kids snacked on some and the rest we put out for the birds.

I want to try some new types of winter squash and pie pumpkins this year. We will add a baking potato to the butterballs that did so well this year. I want to grow more onions and am on the lookout for a good storage onion with high yields. The Lady Godiva pumpkins look really interesting. Evidently they produce lots of almost naked seeds :-). We like pumpkin seeds but would like them even better with less hull.

Cost of being active in the Quaker community

2009-01-29T02:39:00.000-08:00

I wonder if anyone has kept track of how much it costs to be active in the Quaker community? I'm continually pulled in two directions about this. Our family's life style is intentionally simple. We don't have a lot of money, but we've chosen this path and it feels right. I've also felt at times strongly led to be more active in the wider Quaker world. But the two don't mesh. I've actually considered putting the kids in school, giving up the labor/time intensive lifestyle we live (gardening, eating local, canning, cooking from scratch, sewing, making as much as we can of what we need, and so forth) and getting a "real job" because I simply can't afford the Quaker costs! But that makes no sense. Not only would we give up the simple lifestyle we feel called to, it would also mean giving up the hours per week I spend helping in the local community and would very likely leave me little time for Quaker work anyway!

So only comfortably off Friends should follow the leadings to do the work in the wider Quaker world? I may never forget a conversation I had with a Friend a few years ago. She's a lovely person and I'm sure would have been horrified to know how she hurt me. But she mentioned that she was attending several meetings looking for a good fit. She said she'd immediately eliminate any meeting that had no one who attended Silver Bay (summer sessions) because that would mean they weren't serious Friends. She went on and it was obvious that she felt true members of the community would attend. That Friends with depth and commitment would of course be there. But I've never been because it costs far too much.

Friends are good folks. There is help. But you need to ask and dig and it's very often awkward. Sometimes the help is dependent on matching funds from your monthly meeting or is only part of the cost (leaving a still too high balance). Sometimes there is an expectation that you can pay up front (ha!) and be reimbursed. Often there is no help offered but if you pursue it enough you can find some. I'm in that situation again and I hate it. Is my presence at any committee meeting really that needed?

I sometimes feel that our family is a continual drain on the community. And is my mentioning it (or writing this!) witnessing as one Friend has suggested or just being annoying and whiny! Is this just cost of being faithful and I should do whatever is needed to come up with the money? Perhaps I'm not really meant to venture out beyond my monthly meeting? Perhaps the continual embarrassment of seeking out and asking for funds or letting Friends know that the reason I can't do something is because of the cost is part of what I am called to? Perhaps I'm not humble enough or perhaps this is God's way of letting me know that I shouldn't participate. Our simple lifestyle brings joys. We are able to show up and help out in our community often. For all sorts of environmental and social justice reasons it is a sane and fulfilling lifestyle. Why is it only in the Quaker world that I feel our lack of money(how weird is that anyway!)? I truly struggle with these questions.

Is there any other way to deal with this as a community? When nominating asks a Friend if they will serve should we let the Friend know how much it will cost to actively participate? Should a Friend's income be considered during this process? I'd hate that, but perhaps it might be more honest and less awkward for all involved!

everyday cooking

2009-01-27T02:46:00.000-08:00

I've been trying to cook at least one new recipe each week. We've tried the "chicken" wings on a stick from Vegan Dad (a big hit with my sons) as well as the sausage recipe from the same blog. I've actually made the sausage recipe twice now. This last time I added mustard, allspice and just a tiny bit dark molasses to the mix. Yummy! The best new recipe so far has been the Tunisian pumpkin soup from Moosewood Restaurant Daily Special. I was going through cookbooks and found this recipe which calls for onions, garlic, pumpkin, carrots, parsnips, apple juice and tomato juice. It was perfect for using up stuff from the root cellar and freezer! And it was great. The best pumpkin soup I've ever had (and we always have lots of pumpkins stored so pumpkin soup is a regular menu item in our house! )

This week was an especially tight week financially. That means coming up with a menu that I can cook almost entirely from food on hand. That made choosing a new recipe harder, but also meant spending time cooking some old frugal stand bys that we all like. I made a huge batch of granola on Saturday and yesterday enough flatbread for the week. Neither has a real recipe. Both depend on what ever is on hand. The granola was esp. good though because we got nuts and raisins in our last buying club order. I used a jar of the not-quite-set peach freezer jam in with the wet ingredients. I think it gave it a nice subtle peach flavor.

The onion herb flatbreads also came out well.

We will have soup several times this week and rice and beans once. Nutritional yeast pasta will be our quick meal for the day that we rush from one activity to the next. Leftovers will work for lunch and granola, toast or eggs (our "egg guy" just brought us a couple dozen eggs) for breakfast. Our new recipe for the week will be a cheese and veggie cornbread to go with the blackbean soup I've got planned for one evening. I've been making the same cornbread for years. It's good and everyone likes it, but I came across one that uses buttermilk, cheddar cheese, frozen corn and peppers. Since we had a huge, bumper crop of peppers any recipe that I can add a few peppers to captures my attention! So no one will go hungry in our house this week and I kept the food bill down to about $20. That includes the food we buy each week to donate to our local food pantry.

Our root cellar and freezer are still about half full and we still do have some food I canned in the pantry. This may be the winter we finally make it all the way to the next growing season without running out of stored homegrown veggies! I'm sure though that the very last things at the bottom of the freezer will be bags of pesto and chopped bell peppers!

community

2009-01-24T02:33:00.000-08:00

In many ways I’d love to live in an intentional community like eco-village or the Quaker intentional village near Albany. But it's not happening right now. So how can we intentionally form community? How can we share ideas, labor and resources? Tool sharing, ride sharing, help with big jobs, bartering goods and skills . . . there are ways that a community could be so important.

I've thought that what we need is groups of families (maybe 10 or so??) who just try to help one another live a more sustainable life style. I've found that our neighbors may be lovely folks but rarely share our values. Perhaps our faith communities could be a starting place for forming the sorts of communities that would allow us to be more sustainable, but our meeting is so small and doesn't seem to be heading there. I've got plenty of friends in real life that care about the same sorts of things I do. But we've got no good way of sharing the info. I usually learn a week after the fact, over tea, that someone needed help, or was headed up to the same place I just drove to. I think being more intentional about it might work.

In our area there is a Sustainability Coalition. It's a newish group still forming. I've gone as far as joining the e-mail list and participating in the buying club. But the meetings are at a time that I'm tutoring and the focus is more on the big issues and less (at least so far) in helping folks make changes in their own lifestyles. Good stuff, but not really the day to day practical support I'd love to have.

Might include:
Online group (e-mail list) for posting things
Once a month potluck for community building, fellowship.

The kinds of things I've thought might be posted to such a group:
-I’m headed up to Ithaca. Anyone need a ride up? I’ll be at Farmer’s market and greenstar. If you need something let me know.
-putting in an order for. . . . We can save on shipping if we do it together.
-started too many tomatoes-----anyone need some seedlings?
-kids outgrew. . . Anyone need it or know someone who does?
- can knit soakers for folks using cloth diapers. I need------------want to trade?
-Really need someone who could sew up a bunch of cloth menstrual pads!
-what do you use for floor cleaner?
-anyone make soap? Any to sell or barter? Need help making it so I could learn how?
-willing to help weed in exchange for produce to take home.
- I’ve got a box of DVDs want to trade for a month or so and save rental fees?
-anyone know of a place to recycle or donate used computers?
-I made delicious pumpkin butter, apple butter and chutney last fall. But we got pretty sick of it by spring! How about an exchange (like cookie exchange) we each bring a certain number of jars of jam and go home with same number but new variety.
-Headed to Philadelphia have room in the car for an extra person or two.
-bumper crop of . . . .need some? or got . . . From my CSA and can’t use it anyone want the extra?
-anyone know of a good local sources for. . . .?
-Canning’s a lot more fun with friends. Want to join me? (this was a great strategy when canning/sewing/etc. was too hard to do alone because of small children. We can spell each other off with baby holding and there are more folks to keep an eye on the kids running around!)

Anyone have this sort of community to support them? How was it formed? What does it look like?

Stages

2009-01-21T04:03:00.000-08:00

There’s a beautiful thing that happens when a child grows into his or her faith. Unlike conversion experiences that happen all in one moment, I’ve witnessed a gradual unfolding. When a child is small they go to Quaker meeting because that’s what we do. There is no thought or fuss. We go, they see the Friends that they like, they hopefully have some fun in First Day school and that’s it. It’s a good time for discussions, and profound insights might come from it. But mostly it’s not their own yet.

Then comes a second stage where the young Friend decides that this whole religion thing is your stuff not his/hers. They may start to resist attending meeting. It’s boring and dry and meaningless. They still might enjoy hanging out with their Quaker Friends and may still think some older Friends are cool. But they question, they resist, they declare loudly and often their disbelief. It’s a hard stage, but a good one. We need to stand back. Listen a lot and share when appropriate. We need to continue to provide opportunities to be with the community. Often at this stage Quaker values are appreciated but not necessarily the faith that goes with them. Youth gatherings are mostly social gatherings.

Then it happens. God works on their heart. They get it. They understand what Jesus’ message is all about. We want to yell and jump for joy (and maybe even say “I told you so,” because those last few years were really quite difficult!) They grow into their faith. They are on fire and ready to do something bold and faithful with their lives. Right then we can be there for them. We need to say “YES! God will speak to you and let you know your part. This is what I’m doing. This Friend is doing this and that Friend is doing something else. Would you like to join us? We need your help. We need your gifts. This is important work and we would be glad if God is asking you to help.”

We can see them teeter between that second and third stage. Some never make it and stay in the second stage. They become lovely adults with great values and we cherish them. But they probably don’t become Quakers or even members of any faith community. Some fall in love with God and Jesus’ vision but we aren’t there for them. They are on fire and need to do something and we fail to notice. They move on and do bold and beautiful things with their lives, but without us. And that may be as it is meant to be. But we miss their gifts, their fire and their presence in our community.

As parents and teachers and Friends we need to be there for all stages. Honest in our own faith. Talking but not pushing. Providing opportunities and education and as much love as we can possibly muster. But Friends, let's watch for that beautiful point. That young person right on the brink of faithfulness. Let's welcome them in and feed their passion. Let’s say “YES! join us! We need you!”

Justfaith

2009-01-19T02:52:00.000-08:00

I'm a member of our local council of churches Peace with Justice committee. I love working with this group made up of clergy and lay people from a number of different congregations. They are amazing folks and I feel we've done a number of worthwhile things for our community. One project has been to form ecumenical Justfaith classes. Several Catholic churches in our area have had Justfaith groups. Some of the members of the Peace with Justice committee have been involved in those groups and had good things to say about the program. Justfaith now has an ecumenical version. We organized a visit/workshop with Jack Jezreel the founder of Justfaith (if you ever have the chance, see him speak--he was great!). It was well attended and from there we organized Justfaith classes. We ended up with 4 classes at three churches in our area. Many of the folks on the Peace with Justice committee joined a class either as a participant or as facilitator.

I joined a class at a Lutheran church. We meet for several hours every Sunday evening. It's a truly ecumenical group. We've got Lutherans, Presbyterians, Catholics, Wesleyans and one Quaker! There are about an equal number of men and women. We come from different backgrounds and range in age from 30-something to 80-something. Justfaith is set up to be a 30 week class that includes prayer, reading, videos, discussion, retreats and experiences outside the classroom. The focus is on social justice. We are looking at poverty and the Christian response to it. The book list is fairly extensive and it's a big commitment of time. But it's been amazing.

I'm a reader so keeping up with the weekly readings isn't an issue (although it has been hard for some folks in the class). The topics are ones that I've thought about and wrestled with for years. But the experience of worshiping with this group and then discussing these topics has been wonderful. We are making connections across our congregations. Last night we brainstormed ideas for meeting needs we've seen in our own community. We don't have the same views. Not at all. But everyone cares. Everyone is struggling with how to respond, what to do. We are humbled, we are mostly hopeful.

If you ever have the opportunity to join a Justfaith class please consider it. http://www.justfaith.org/

Off to Washington

2009-01-17T13:19:00.000-08:00

Parenting teens seems to be all about knowing when to let them do things you'd really wish they wouldn't. My second daughter paved the way on this issue. Cross country plane trips by herself to conferences, a month long stay for a theological program in Atlanta, peace marches in Washington, a trip to Alabama to commemorate the Selma to Montgomery march (and recreate the march with a friend who was part of the original) and much more. She pushed me when she was high school age. I was constantly asking myself if this was a good idea. Usually the deciding factors were: was it a worthwhile thing to do, would she look back on it and be glad she had the opportunity to participate, and was it truly dangerous or was I just feeling overprotective? She was always OK and she was very glad she did each of the things she did. I spent quite a lot of time pacing and praying.

Now its my 16 year old's turn. He leaves early tomorrow morning for Washington DC. He will be traveling with a group of New York Yearly Meeting teens and adults. The adult Friends that are going are ones I trust. He's very excited. They are meeting up with Quaker teens and adults from the Washington Friends Meeting and staying in the meeting house. They've got lots planned. And I'd much, much rather he wasn't going. The thought of the huge crowds scare me. The thought of him being there gives me a queasy feeling. I keep reading news reports about the inauguration. They go on about the crowds and the security needed. It all just makes me even more nervous. I'd rather he was safe at home! But I said he could go. He's ready for an adventure.

Disappointment

2009-01-16T13:27:00.000-08:00

It's hard to be the only young folks in a congregation. My kids have pretty much grown up as the only youth in our Quaker meeting. We are blessed to have a wonderful Yearly meeting youth program though. It's three hours away from us at the New York Yearly Meeting retreat center Powell House, but its well worth the drive. The youth directors are amazing and they've helped create a safe, accepting space for the kids. All my kids have attended as many conferences as they can and have made good friends. It's their only regular time to meet and be with other Quaker kids.

This last year Powell House (Poho for short) has been renovating the youth building. It's exciting and the kids have been as involved as they can be. The building will be accessible and green when done. But in the meantime it's meant some disruptions in the programs. My youngest was signed up for a conference in the fall that had to be canceled due to construction delays. He was looking forward to attending a conference this weekend. I was knitting him a new pair of extra warm mittens to bring and he was hoping to get out to do some sledding with his poho friends.

But he's sick with a bad cold and cough. It was one of those tough parenting calls. He was very sick earlier in the week with a sore throat and fever. But for the last two days he's been perky and feeling much better. He was so sure he'd be well enough to attend. But as I sat quietly this morning I could hear him coughing and coughing. I knew there was no way I could send him. I contacted the Friend we were carpooling with and we called the youth director to let her know S couldn't come.

He was very disappointed but took it well. He's such a good kid. He agreed that it wasn't fair to keep roommates up all night with his cough. I promised him we'd play scrabble (he's sure to beat me!). I was planning on making his favorite carob brownies as a treat to eat while playing scrabble, but then my husband came home with this month's food co-op order. Someone wanted to order peanuts but needed to split the 15 lb sack, so I said I'd take half. Seeing the two big bags of peanuts sent me searching for a treat to make with peanuts. So instead of brownies I tried a new recipe, spiced toffee peanuts. They are yummy and seem to be helping with everyone's mood!

4 cups peanuts, 1/2 cup sugar, 2 1/2 tea cinnamon, 1/2 tea nutmeg, 4 TB butter, 4 TB honey (supposed to be corn syrup but I only had honey--it worked out OK), 1/2 tea salt. Melt butter on a big baking sheet with rim, stir in rest of stuff bake 25 min. at 325. Let cool and break apart as needed.

Great Christians

2009-01-14T03:00:00.000-08:00

We use a lot of Teaching Company courses at our house. http://www.teach12.com/ We own a bunch, borrow some from the library and swap with other homeschooling families. They are good for homeschooling high school and helpful for long car rides (like the drive back and forth from NY to Indiana we do so often!). But I also enjoy listening to the lectures while I knit. My favorites are the history and religion courses.

My husband bought me three religion courses for Christmas. I've been listening to the first The Lives of Great Christians by William Cook. It's 24 lectures long and he highlights the lives of folks that he thinks are great Christians. It's been interesting. It won't make the list of my favorite courses (Amy-Jill Levine's courses top that list!) but I'm enjoying it.

He's chosen some Christians that would make just about anyone's list (Francis of Assisi, Mother Teresa) and some that many might add to their lists but I'd probably leave off (Augustine, St. Benedict, and Martin Luther) and some that were just surprises (John Hus, Bernardino of Siena, Damien of Molokai). I also just finished reading the section of Jesus for President "We Need New Heros" in which they talk about discovering and celebrating the lives of our heros.

It's made me think who would I choose if I were to make a list of "Great Christians" I haven't thought it out fully but I know a few I'd add: John Woolman, Francis of Assisi, Martin Luther King Jr., George Fox, Henri Nouwen, Howard Thurman, Daniel Berrigan, Oscar Romero, Thomas Merton, Dorothy Day, Desmond Tutu, Brother Lawrence, Thomas Kelly, Isaac Penington, Clare of Assisi, Maximilian Kolbe.

Who would be on your list?

worms, worms, worms

2009-01-13T08:30:00.000-08:00

I need to give away some worms. Perhaps I can interest some Friends at Quaker meeting in taking some. Or maybe someone in my Justfaith class or ecumenical study group might want a few. I'll ask. They can't think I'm any stranger than they've already decided I am!

I'm not really sure how many worms can live in the bins, or how many we have. But it seems like a ton. Way more than we've ever had before. I think overpopulation is bad for just about all creatures. Last January we shared worms with 3-4 other homeschooling families. The remaining worms must be happy eating our scraps because they've really multiplied!

We have two good size worm composting bins. They stay in the bathroom that is between the kitchen and back door. It's handy for "feeding the worms" fruit and veggie scraps. We could never compost all our scraps this way, we have a regular composting system as well, but the worm compost is potent stuff and the worm bins are fun. We use plastic bins that we used to use to store legos and other toys. They work fine. The worm bins don't smell bad and it's all pretty easy. We haven't ever had the problems that I've heard some folks have (smell, fruit flies). I think because we bury the scraps well and don't put more in than the worms can handle in a reasonable time.

The least fun part of the whole process is changing the worm bedding. We like to do it outside if possible. We feed the worm in one corner of the bins for a while and most of the worms move over there. Then we dump the bins onto a big tarp and sort out the rest of the worms. It's smelly and I like to wear gloves when picking out the worms! There's about 6 inches of snow on the ground right now and the temp is about 19 degrees. We won't changing the bins outside!

For more information on worm composting:

http://www.css.cornell.edu/compost/worms/basics.html

My kid has blue hair

2009-01-12T02:12:00.000-08:00

So my kid's hair is blue. Not a little blueish, but eye popping electric blue. Since he has blond hair the dye really took to it in a extraordinary way. Since he has very long, half way down his back hair it's just plain weird looking.

I had a clearness committee meeting before meeting for worship yesterday so had to be away most of the afternoon. My son and one daughter stayed home. I guess they decided it was the perfect opportunity to dye G's hair.

I had a class last evening. We were chatting before it began and I told folks my kid dyed his hair blue. One guy said that he had always thought Quakers were pretty conservative especially in dress and lifestyle. Another person laughed and said, well they were all getting an education about that weren't they!

I'm not thrilled. It looks silly. But the dye will fade. I think it should be gone or at least pretty faded in a month or so. I need to understand that he's a good kid. He's growing into a kind, caring young man. That's the important stuff. At 16 he could be doing much, much worse things.

But I still need to live with a kid with long blue hair.

Pesto!

2009-01-11T02:42:00.000-08:00

We have too much pesto. I never thought I'd say that! But it's true, I'm not sure we can use all that we froze. We had pesto pasta last night and I was startled to see how much we still have in the freezer.

The basil did very well in the garden this year. We direct seeded lots and then my son came home from his job on a friend's farm with a flat of beautiful basil plants. They were too nice to waste so they went into the ground as well. We harvested a huge pile of basil earlier in the season, but left the smaller plants to grow a bit and they took off. We had a second harvest as big, if not bigger, than the first. We always grow lots of basil. We use some in the pasta sauce we make and the rest we make into pesto. But this was even more than usual.

You can see the basil in the front of the photo.

I use the food processor to blend up the basil, olive oil and garlic. I fill little mini-muffin cups with pesto and freeze (years ago I used ice cube trays, but my husband brought home a stack of mini muffin pans from an auction one time and they work even better). When the pesto blobs are frozen I remove them and pack them into bags. This year we ran out of muffin pan room and also froze the pesto in all sorts of containers.

If I'm using the pesto for pasta I add ground nuts and cheese. But I also use the frozen pesto in soups, in bread dough and for seasoning all sorts of dishes. But I obviously need more recipes and ideas. There's a whole lot of pesto in the freezer!!

Tutoring

2009-01-10T02:25:00.000-08:00

I saw my reading students again this week after a two week break. It was nice to get back to our lessons. Starting to tutor again was one of the best decisions I've made in the last couple of years. I enjoy it, I'm providing real help to the kids I work with, and the little bit of extra income means that I can continue to homeschool my kiddos. I also use the experience, training and materials I have. It feels right to be able to put all that to use.

I've made progress in the last couple of months in organizing my stuff. Not loads of progress, but some. I still use the lesson plan format I developed ten years ago. I fill in the plans by hand as I prepare for each lesson. It's got spaces for all the parts of a good Orton-Gillingham reading lesson and it works. The new forms I made up for student info and background and for keeping track of payments have made that record keeping easier. Each student has a file which is stored a big sturdy envelope so I can add the decks, games and books to the envelope as I write the lesson plans. Then a few minutes before the student shows up I can pull it all out and set up for the lesson. That has worked perfectly. The lessons run smoothly and there is no fumbling for materials. I need to pack as much instruction and practice into each hour as I can and I think I do.

My husband and son built a new bookcase for my cards and tutoring materials. I organized my hundreds (thousands?) of cards into containers by syllable type. It needs more work though. This week I needed a card deck that contained only closed and VCE syllables but featured consonant digraphs sh and ch. I should have been able to pull together such a deck, but instead after 20 min sorting through hundreds of cards, broke down and got out the blank cards and a marker and just made one. It's wasteful.

I resist buying stuff we don't need in all other aspects of our lives. I should be able to do the same in my tutoring. Every time I use cards, paper, ink, tagboard and so forth to make lesson materials because I simply can't find what I need is a waste of the planet's resources and increases my own costs. This means that I'm less likely to be able to take on more students at the low cost (or no cost) rates that I currently charge. And that's another student or two that doesn't get the help she/he needs because their family can't afford it.

Science?

2009-01-09T03:19:00.000-08:00

The boys are studying physics this year for science. We've been pretty laid back about it. We have a course on video from the Teaching Company : "Physics in your Life" by Richard Wolfson that they are enjoying. We have a text book Conceptual Physics by Paul Hewitt which they enjoy much less, but don't actively hate. When we sat down to think about labs we decided we just wanted to do fun stuff. We usually try to match the lab with the topic we are covering each week and cover a certain number of standard high school level labs. But this year we decided just to pick the coolest things we could find to do. I felt OK about it because S has another shot a physics if he wants and G is not a science person and might not choose to do physics at all otherwise. They've also had a physics professor as a First Day School teacher since they were babies. Each week at Quaker meeting they do a physics project! In fact when we started to research labs that we could do at home we could find very, very few that they hadn't already done!

So they picked out some fun looking books, and we've done some cool projects. We've built a giant trebuchet (just what every Quaker family needs) and a potato cannon (loud! good thing we live in a rural area!). We've tried to launch match rockets (they didn't work :( ) and now that it's cold and we need to be inside we are working on mousetrap cars. S is loving it. He spends lots of time adjusting and modifying his. G is less into it. We bought the book from this site http://www.docfizzix.com/shop/books-plans/b100df.shtml and had hoped that we could do an entire unit with it. At first glance it looks very user friendly with lots of info experiments and plans. The plans are good and the construction tips great but the actual lessons less so. I need more details (like what type of spring scale is needed to calculate the potential energy of the mouse trap spring--- the one we own obviously won't do, but what should we buy instead?) I'm not sure we will get much further than building some cars and charting the distances and speeds. But even so, that's been fun. We have picked up some great construction tips ans S has tried all sorts of modifications. We cleared the longest straight run we could in our house. We moved the kitchen table, opened G's bedroom door and rolled up the rug and sent the cars through the kitchen, down the main hallway and into G's room. They don't always go straight and so many trials didn't work because they crashed into the walls. A big, wide open space would be ideal. But this was the best we could do. The longest run so far was about 37 feet and the fastest was about 5.2 feet per second. S's car (the front one in this photo) is the speediest so far!

The mouse trap cars are taking over the familyroom!

New Recipes

2009-01-08T02:03:00.000-08:00

We had a full day planned yesterday, but it all got changed because of a really nasty ice storm. So instead all six of us were home with no plans at all! It was a great opportunity to try some new recipes (and work on one of my goals for 2009!). I saw this potato recipe mentioned on the blog In search of Wonder http://knittingloca.blogspot.com/ The recipe looked easy and yummy. We've still got quite a few potatoes in the root cellar. We grew a thin skinned yellow potato (German butterballs) this year and have been enjoying them. My 16 year old loves potatoes so I'm surprised they've held out this long, but we are only on the second crate. I think we grew about 250 pounds total. Anyway the recipe was great! Everyone loves them and I think we've got a new favorite. http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2008/06/crash-hot-potatoes/ Crash potatoes

They were crispy and flavorful. G wants to try adding garlic next time (and considering the huge amount of garlic we grew this year I'm OK with anything that can use some up!). I thought they were great just the way they were.

The kids had been wanting to try the sausage recipe from the vegan dad blog.http://vegandad.blogspot.com/2008/03/homemade-sausages.html I promised we could during break so yesterday seemed like a perfect opportunity. We were stuck in the house though, I wasn't sending anyone out in that mess, so I did need to substitute a few ingredients. They still were tasty. I made some buns to go with them. That actually turned out funny because I made the buns in the morning well before the sausages. Since it was a new recipe I really had no idea how big the sausages would be. I made the rolls in a variety of sizes and some were ridiculously too small. Next time I'll know! I made a double batch of sausage and ended up with 12. Some were huge though and we could have made 14 instead. We all liked them and agreed that they'd be good on pizza. I left out the fennel because one of the girls hates it, but if I make them when she's away I'd add it. I can see this being a useful recipe. I wonder how they freeze? They were pretty easy and a fraction of the cost of the packaged veggie sausage. It was a good time to use up some of the relish I put up. We had three types, dill, sweet pickle and zucchini.

We also opened a jar of pickled beets. It was the first time M had a chance to try this batch. She immediately asked if she could bring a jar back to college with her. That will leave only one in the pantry so I need to note that I ought to can more next time. There were requests for "something green" as well. My husband offered to go out to the cold frames and see if there was any more lettuce. But we had cleaned them out pretty well with our last fresh green salad of the year (on Christmas Day!--which in cold upstate NY is amazing!!!) I didn't think chipping two inches of ice off the cold frame just to check was worth it! So we sauted some green beans from the freezer with garlic and added just a bit of frozen pesto. They were great (and green!)

It is getting to be that time of year though when we crave green stuff. We've got veggies frozen. But fresh, crunchy, green veggies. . . yum. . . Oh well not too long before it will be time to try to get some early, hearty greens going in the cold frames.

Seminary visits

2009-01-07T02:40:00.000-08:00

We drove up to visit Colgate Rochester Crozer Divinity School yesterday. http://crcds.edu/ My daughter's exploring seminaries. It's a beautiful building and the folks couldn't possibly have been nicer. I spent a couple hours in the library reading room while she sat in on a class. I started Jesus for President. It was a lovely school and if I ever decide to go to seminary it might be a good choice for me, but I'm not sure it's the right place for M. It's mostly a commuter school and doesn't seem to have the tight community she'd like, and the student body is older. One person we spoke with suggested that the average age of the students is about 45! That's older than I am. I don't think she's completely ruled it out, but I'm pretty sure it won't be the top of her list. We did talk about it being a good choice if she had a job in that part of the state and wanted to both work and go to school.

When we got home we got a surprise e-mail from a Friend from Rochester. He was visiting the library at the divinity school and saw our names still up on the admissions "welcome" board. He gave us some info about other Quakers that had gone to that school and some info about Rochester itself. He told M how delighted he'd be to have her in Rochester and how welcome she'd be in Rochester meeting and wished her the best in her discernment process. It was very sweet.

Our trip to Drew scheduled for today has been postponed because of an ice storm. But it will be interesting comparing the two.

Peace Vigil

2009-01-06T01:50:00.000-08:00

We froze at the peace vigil yesterday. I must make myself a nice warm pair of wool mittens before I go again. For years we went with our signs and stood in front of the Federal building. This war has been going on for so long. My youngest hardly remembers a time when vigils and peace gatherings were not part of his life. The kids joked that this was my idea of a family outing! Mondays always found us sweltering in the summer and freezing in the winter on that same patch of sidewalk with a handful of other folks. I enjoyed getting to know some of the other vigilers. I watched the response to us from the cars passing change from mostly negative nasty comments to honks and thumbs up. Other folks were getting sick of the war too. My goal was always just to remind folks that the war was still happening. It's too easy to forget. We don't feel it much on a day to day basis here in our country. But every car that passed by the federal building between 4:30 and 5:30 on Monday remembered.

Last winter my schedule changed. I could no longer keep that time free. I've got a student on Mondays now. I could make it to the vigil for 20-30 min. but driving 20 min into the city and then 20 min home for such a short time seems irresponsible. So we haven't attended much in the last year. Yesterday's vigil was focused on the violence in Gaza. I felt I needed to go. Three of the kids wanted to go as well. So we bundled up and dusted of a sign or two and headed out.

Same folks. Same cold. I miss them!

The last jar of cherry jam

2009-01-05T03:22:00.000-08:00

I broke my fast yesterday with toast and tea. While making it I noticed someone had found and opened the last jar of cherry jam that I had pushed to the back of the pantry. I'm glad I got some before it was totally gone. I've always loved cherry jam, but this batch was amazing. There aren't many places to pick cherries around here, but luckily there is one orchard not too far from my mom. It's about an hour and a half drive from us. So one day last July my husband and youngest son went picking while I visited my mom. They said it was hard picking and after several hours they came back with a little over 8 pounds which was less than we had hoped to get. But they were beautiful sour cherries. I made two 8oz and seven 16oz jars of sweet, tart, bright red jam. The cherry flavor was intense. It was everyone's favorite this year. It took willpower not to eat it all right away! It was especially good on toast (the toast in the photo is a slice of butternut squash and corn meal bread that I baked Saturday).

I decided to take a look at the pantry and see how we were holding up on the rest of the flavors. I made eleven 8oz jars of strawberry, four 8oz jars and seven 16 oz jars of strawberry rhubarb, five 16 oz jars of raspberry, seven 8oz jars of three berry and seven 8oz jars of blueberry. With the cherry there was 31 8oz and 19 16 oz total. The strawberry rhubarb was also great. Since I made that earlier in the season I was pretty sure we were out of it. But I was surprised to find that this is all the jam we have left! That's just six jars! Four raspberry and two strawberry. We still have lots of apple butter and pumpkin butter in the freezer as well as a few jars of peach freezer jam (although this year's batch didn't set as firm as I like and is better as a fruit topping for pancakes). We are in no immediate danger of having to eat plain toast. But wow!

This is the very first year I kept careful track of how much I made and how long it lasted. Every year we pick lots of fruit and I make lots of jam. The pantry gets stuffed and the kids tease me about going overboard. I know that we go through it fast, but they always insist that I've gone jam crazy and there is no possible way we need that much! Well now I know. We did of course share some (I brought a jar to the neighbor and several jars to my mom and mother in law) and we sent some to college with the girls. But we just plain ate a lot of jam! Next year we need even more cherries, strawberries, rhubarb and blueberries.

Christmas break

2009-01-04T02:12:00.000-08:00

All four kiddos have been home these last few weeks. The house feels full and noisy and busy and messy but mostly wonderful. Since the girls have been in college I've given the boys the same times off. We found out there is just no way to keep to our usual routines when A and M are home from school. The younger kids want to spend time with their older sisters, especially G. who is starting to be very curious about college life and has lots of questions. I'm needed to cook all the favorite foods that they've been missing, mend (and in M's case wash) clothes, help organize things, drive them to visits and appointments, take them shopping and be there to listen. The listening takes the bulk of my time. Although I talk to each often on the phone there's lots to catch up on. After homeschooling for the first 18 years and being together most all the time, living so far apart is hard.

It feels like we are on the verge of change again. A graduates in May and then M next year. G will be going off to college in a year or two. Things will shift and change again. A new chapter.

This coming week is a transition week. We are still sort of on break, but I'll begin tutoring my students again and we've got some science projects to work on and some homeschool planning to do. G wants to change direction with some of his work and I've promised to sit down and help him come up with some new plans. We thought we'd get back to our normal stuff the following Monday when the girls head back to school. But it looks like S will drive out to Earlham with his dad to drop the girls off and I've been called for jury duty! So our homeschooling routine may be delayed a bit more.

Fast

2009-01-03T03:10:00.000-08:00

I started the January fast last night. http://www.pcusa.org/foodcrisis/ This is my third month participating. A Presbyterian friend shared the information with me. It is a once a month fast from Friday evening until Sunday morning. The Presbyterians participating would break the fast with communion at church on Sunday. Being Quaker I just have lunch! Fasting is a spiritual discipline that I've been trying to learn more about. For about 8 months last year I fasted one day a week. But that became difficult with my new schedule. When I heard about this fast it seemed a wonderful way to include a fast in my life and learn more about world hunger issues.

I've been very impressed by the fast materials. Each month there is a theme having to do with the global food crisis. There are articles and lots of info as well as links for more research. There are also a set of prayers. one for starting the fast, one for Saturday morning and then for each meal skipped as well as evening prayers. I've found the prayers very, very lovely and have kept the materials from the last several months. One prayer I copied onto my chalk board in the kitchen so that the whole family could use it for a bit.

The organizer sent a e-mail to each participant several days ago in it he said "May you in this busy time find at least a little time for silence, which lies beneath all creation and compassionate action. And may the fast be like a prolonged and powerful prayer for each of you" . . . a prolonged and powerful prayer. . . that's exactly what the fast each month has been for me.

I'm grateful that I've been able to participate.

New year

2009-01-02T07:20:00.000-08:00

Wow! So long since I looked at this blog I'd just about forgot I started one once. I'd like to try blogging again. Perhaps this year will be the one that I really do.

I logged on to list my goals for this year. They are pretty simple:

1. Drop 15 pounds (ok maybe that's not simple!)
2. Try at least one new recipe each week
3. Pray a full hour each morning (been lucky to get in 25 min lately)
4. Learn to crochet
5. Knit myself a sweater that I will really like to wear
6. Knit the boys several more pairs of socks each
7. Donate more money -- even if it means going without
8. Find a free meal/soup kitchen to help out regularly
9. Go hiking more
10. Start my Christmas knitting early
11. Knit from my stash
12. Organize my tutoring stuff so that I can actually reuse the materials I have instead of creating new ones for each lesson!
13. Play more board games with S
14. Pay off as much debt as we can
15. Sew more--make a quilt with S

Unfriendly Friends

2006-07-25T16:36:00.000-07:00

My daughter's living and working away from home this summer. It's tough because I miss her and she goes to school so far away. But I was encouraged to find that she was eager to attend Meeting while she was away. I'd watched, while trying not to push, as her attendance at Meeting at college dropped off. I worried that we'd lost another young Friend. But she always attends our meeting when home and was looking forward to attending over the summer.

So she gets into town, moves into her new apartment, and uses quakerfinder to locate the nearest meeting. Unfortunately it's in an old meeting house outside of the city. No public transportation goes out that way. But they have a number to call on the website to arrange for a ride. She calls and leaves a message. No answer. She digs up an e-mail address and tries that. No answer. She calls again. Nothing. This goes on for two weeks. She misses two meetings because she has no ride. The next week she talks a friend with a car who is visiting into attending meeting with her. They go and then introduce themselves at the rise of meeting. Then they are pretty well ignored. No one talks to them. No one asks why they are in town, or where they go to school.

Then, since the friend with a car has gone back home, she starts the entire search for a ride again. She's willing to meet in the center of town. It's a college town so young folks with no cars are pretty common, even in the summer. It shouldn't be this hard to get a ride to meeting! Even our meeting, which does meet in town near a bus stop, has always been able to provide rides for folks who need them!

Two weeks later she scores another ride. She attends. No one remembers that she'd been there before. A few Friends come up and ask if she's new (she recognized them from the previous visit--it's not a big meeting!). When she says no that she'd attended before they wander off. "No one talked to me. No one asked me anything. They talked to each other, but I felt like an intruder."

Great. Wonderful. Here's a young college age Friend (the very ones we need to keep) who's had a hard year and is looking to hang on to her faith. And Friends can't be bothered to get her a ride to Meeting or be friendly to her afterward? I can hardly imagine.

In an empty meeting house

2006-07-25T16:21:00.000-07:00

My oldest kiddo was home for the weekend. It was nice. She's had a rough year. Plenty of drama and stress. Not an easy transition from home to college. Not at all. But one of the things I've seen is how strong her faith has been. Much stronger than I thought. I'm surprised. I'd been kind of discouraged because she made so few Quaker connections at school and had pretty well stopped attending meeting by second semester. But yesterday she was telling me about a particularly dark time last spring when she just went to the meeting house and prayed for an hour and 3/4. "And it helped so much. It really did."

Wow. I know she's gotten a lot of flak from friends who just don't get her religion. As she says its tough to be Christian in a very liberal crowd. The same folks that would gladly throw themselves between a mob and just about anyone else, feel quite free to ridicule Christianity with impunity. Her friends mean a lot to her, and I guess I worried that their disdain would rub off.

The meeting house is busy in the evening with meetings and groups and choir practice. But during the day its almost always empty and open. Nobody minds, or notices, she said, if she goes and sits for a few minutes. And it helps.

Thank you Lord for helping my child so far away from home.