I pray.

   My mom used to cry like this. Never thought I would, too. As a kid, I was taught crying is a sign of weakness. When I was 13 I watched the movie 13…and subsequently began to cut myself as a release. It worked for a while. Seeing the blood and feeling the pain allowed me to cry. Justified the tears and relieved the tension I had bottled up. However, it is a weakness, crying. I still agree with my dad on that one. And I've grown weak trying to be the good example without anyone following suit. 

   I've never been a morning person. My siblings used to poke fun at me on christmas morning. I was the youngest, and normally us babies the first one up in most families. Not me. I've never been a good sleeper, though I've gotten better at it since I've been forced to get up here.  

   Owning your own business means setting your own hours. He gets up when he wants, despite telling me to wake him up, he won't get up when I try to do so. He works into all hours of the night, often coming home long after the kids fall asleep. I can't get them to be better kids and follow the rules of the house. My word is meaningless to them. But it's my fault they are this way? It probably is. 

   

   All I can do is try to set a good example. I brush my teeth, comb my hair, wash my face, and change my clothes every morning and night, unlike anyone else here. I go to bed around 10 and wake up at about 6; I tidy up the house before and after I wake up. I pray. I pray. I pray. Please God, help us. Help me help them. Please. Amen.